


you'll never know if you don't know now

by buckysbbs



Category: Marvel, Wolverine and the X-Men - All Media Types, X-Men (Comicverse), X-Men (Movieverse), X-Men - All Media Types
Genre: ASL, Alternate Universe, Canon-Typical Violence, Easter Eggs, Friendship, Happy Ending, Hurt/Comfort, Light Angst, M/M, Mild Language, Muteness, My First AO3 Post, Romance, Touch-Starved, but tbh i cried while writing this so imma count it, cherik is background and very minor, like A LOT of friendship i love my friends <3, logan is Asian racists don't interact, not sure if, shape of water!au, specifically he's japanese but that's not too relevant, the fishfucking is NOT explicit
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-17
Updated: 2020-12-21
Packaged: 2021-03-10 23:34:42
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 9
Words: 26,987
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28135518
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/buckysbbs/pseuds/buckysbbs
Summary: The Shape of Water AU: Logan has exactly two friends and zero chill, so it's no surprise when he finds himself befriending the sea-person he's definitely NOT supposed to interact with.What is surprising, however, is the love and subsequent journey of self-discovery that follows.Or, alternatively:After nine consecutive years of working as a janitor for a TOP-SECRET government facility, Logan meets a blue fishman and risks it all.
Relationships: Logan/Kurt Wagner
Comments: 8
Kudos: 11





	1. Unable to perceive

**Author's Note:**

> Helloo I am SO excited to be finally posting something here... I've already written like dozens of fics but this is one of the only ones I've finished -- and the only one I have the courage to post lol. Everything is already written so I'll just edit the chapters before posting, shouldn't take long!
> 
> Constructive criticism is very appreciated!! -- BUT please don't post it in the comments lol just send me a message on tumblr @notpensboat
> 
> If you wanna just talk about Logurt or anything else I'm part of like so many fandoms so JUST! Come talk!
> 
> I noticed there was a SEVERE lack of Logurt content, just in general in the world, and decided that (thanos voice) Fine. I'll do it myself.
> 
> I've been rewatching Wolverine and the X-Men so that's mainly the canon I'm trying to follow, but tbh there's a little bit of everything in this one -- it's an AU!
> 
> ALSO: I have no idea how to html or everything else, so if anyone wants to help a girl out!!

Logan, as he is now, was found abandoned at the tender age of 35, with three claw marks on the side of his throat. The kids that found him claim he was bleeding when he found them, but that within a few minutes the wounds had already healed, at which point he just stood and left.

Had it not been for Charles Xavier, however, he never would have survived as long as he has. While everyone else ran off after finding out Logan was not only a mute, but an amnesiac, too, the man helped him get his life together. Xavier learned ASL and lent Logan some money and even got him a job as a cleaner in some run-down facility in the middle of nowhere, and the only reason Logan is still standing now is because of the old man’s kind heart.

He’s 46 now, and he lives in a small two-room apartment on top of an old cinema, and Charles Xavier is his neighbor. The old man is bald and old and paraplegic, but just the latter, by itself, is sufficient an obstacle for him to find a stable job. Despite coming from a prestigious family and holding many equally-prestigious degrees (did he say it was mutation genetics or psychiatry?), the mere fact that he lives tied to a wheelchair is enough to stop him from becoming a world-famous scientist, and Logan thinks it’s really too bad.

He does enjoy the old man’s company, though — not that he’d ever admit it out loud —, and being his neighbor certainly has its perks. For one, the old man is not only bald, old, and paraplegic, but he’s also gay and in the closet. This means that Logan never worries about waking up in the middle of the night to screams of pleasure, and he’s never once had to bump into an embarrassed stranger when he wakes up to go to work in the mornings.

Also, for an old white man, Charles’s food is surprisingly delicious and well-seasoned. He occasionally treats Logan to dinner at his place, and the younger man has to say he always looks forward to those nights — if only because he himself is a lost cause, and six nights out of the week he always orders in.

Logan’s life is pretty routine, and he doesn’t really know enough about himself to say for certain whether or not he enjoys it — whether he’s _happy_. Not having memories sucks, and being mute sucks sometimes, too, but all the doctors he’s visited say that both those things are permanent. Honestly, he’d rather continue working his boring job, interacting with the only two people who can stand him, than spend his entire life running away from himself — which is exactly what he was doing, before he met Xavier.

Part of it is the age, he thinks. Back when he was 35 and angry and confused, he’d held so much energy and so much desire to answer life’s questions… but now he’s reserved himself to the present, enjoying his talks with his co-worker Ororo and his dinners with his neighbor Xavier and even the occasional one-night stand.

Today is no different.

He wakes up, has some cereal, brushes his teeth and gets ready to go to work. He takes the bus and feels thankful that he doesn’t have to wear those stuffy suits to work, because it’s July now and he’d never survive the heat. Being a janitor sucks, too, but that’s at least one of the perks: he can wear whatever he wants under that horrible onesie, and no one will know. Logan hates stuffy clothes, so much that he often finds himself lounging through his own apartment completely naked, and being able to work in clothes that don’t cling to him is a blessing.

The facility he works at is supposedly owned by the government, but he’s not sure what it is that they do there exactly. If he didn’t know any better, he’d say they’re probably keeping those damn aliens inside the many grey walls of the place, but he’s been working there for nine years now and he’s unfortunately never seen anything, so. Probably not aliens.

Still, the whole place is just a crime against humanity waiting to happen. Propaganda posters fill the walls of the entire place, with cheesy phrases like: “SILENCE is also a weapon”, or “Loose lips sink ships”.

As he changes into his uniform, he ignores all the other janitors and searches for Ororo. She’s the only decent one out of all of them, and honestly Logan doesn’t know why she’s still working this shitty job. She’s smart and competent and, frankly, _pretty_ enough to be something like the President, and if he didn’t value their friendship so much he’d already have tapped that. With her deep dark skin and bright white hair, she’s already captivating enough, never mind her sharp cheekbones and her built figure and her full lips… 

But alas. She’s out of his league, anyways. Logan himself isn’t bad-looking, per se, but she’s… something out of this world. He’s asked her time and time again what the hell she’s doing in a place like this, but she’s never given him a straight answer.

“Good morning, Logan,” she says, smiling like she always does in the morning. “How was your weekend?”

He shrugs, and signs, _Same as always. Charles made meatloaf, we had a drink_.

She laughs. “Really? _Charles_?”

In ASL, rather than going through the trouble of spelling out someone’s name, usually people just have a ‘sign name’ — a specific sign that will indicate who you’re talking about. For Charles, they’d decided his sign name would be the same sign as the letter ‘X’, for Xavier, and the man had agreed.

The other janitors start leaving, each going off to their own assigned part, and he turns a knowing look to her.

 _So how’s T’Challa?_ , he asks.

He spells the name out, not having set a sign name for the man yet.

Ororo rolls her eyes. “We’re… getting there. It’s complicated, but, well, it’s what we signed up for.”

There’s another reason why Logan and Ororo would never work out: the woman is married. Her relationship with her husband (and childhood sweetheart) is complicated, with them never seeing each other due to their respective jobs, and a few months ago the two were on the verge of divorce. Ever since then, they’ve been working to maintain their relationship.

_Well, I wish you the best of luck—_

“You two!”

Logan turns around. A man wearing a fancy suit — one of the thousands that work in the facility — is making his way towards them, but rather than angry he looks distracted by something on his hand.

“Come with me,” he says, and Logan realizes it’s _blood_ on his hand. “Don't ask.”

He walks as he talks, and from the look on Ororo’s face she’s also noticed the blood on the man’s body. Logan himself isn’t adverse to blood or to gore in general, being who he is and being able to do what he does, but he understands how some people can hate the sight of it.

As they arrive at Room 616, however, he realizes there’s way more blood than he expected: it’s flooding out of the room, past the door and into the hallway. While the man in the suit types out the passcode to get into the room, he and Ororo share a look.

 _You think someone’s on the rag?_ , he signs, smirking, and she makes an unamused face at his joke.

The ( _heavily_ secured, what the fuck?) doors then open, and Logan tries not to sigh at the sight that greets them: blood and water, everywhere on the floor. It’s almost like someone died in there, but as he enters he can’t smell a dead body anywhere, so he figures they’re safe for now.

“I want this place clean in twenty minutes,” the man says, then leaves them be.

As big as the facility is, Logan doubts there’ll be any janitors coming by any time soon — and if there are, they’ll be smart to pretend they didn’t see anything and continue on their way.

 _Well_ , he signs when Ororo looks at him. _Looks like it’s just us_.

She sighs and starts mopping. “The quicker we get this done, the quicker we can go back to gossiping about my love life.”

He smirks, but is unable to respond, not with her head down focused on the task at hand.

Logan moves away from her, heading towards the corner of the room, and starts mopping from there. The room itself is pretty standard for the facility they’re in — meaning it’s about the size of Logan’s entire apartment —, but what _is_ different are the weird tanks at the wall opposite the door. There are about three of them, all filled with water and each, he’d guess, connected to the other. He can’t say for sure, though, as the tanks go higher than the ceiling and farther down than the floor.

In the middle of the room, there’s a large tub, almost like a small pool, and Logan wisely guesses that’s where all the water on the floor came from… and tries not to wonder where all that blood came from.

“Uh,” Ororo says, picking up something from the floor between her forefinger and thumb. “Is this—?”

Logan’s eyes widen. _That’s an entire arm_.

The woman holds the arm by its middle finger, looking like she’s trying hard not to barf. It’s a normal white man arm — at least as normal as a detached right arm can be—, complete with the arm hairs and the blood and the dirty nails.

“What the hell happened here?” She asks, and drops the arm onto a trash bag. “I knew this place was _bad_ , but I didn’t think…”

He nods in agreement. For all they know, they could be working for some sort of secret government lab that specializes in performing unethical experiments on kidnapped humans — hell, for all they know, that arm could belong to a _good_ person. A good person with a family and morals and values who never signed up for any of this.

He doubts it, but at least the thought provides some entertainment while he cleans up the gallons of water and blood on the floor.

The next ten minutes come and go, and then he finds an electric baton just lying there on the ground, covered in blood. After the arm, though, he can’t really say it shocks him all that much.

Ororo takes a break from her hard work and approaches the tubes of water with a curious glint in her dark eyes. Tentatively, she taps a little on the glass, as if expecting a shark or some other sea creature to appear, but no such luck.

“What do you suppose they’re even doing here?” She asks, frowning slightly. “It can’t be good news for us, if they’re just losing arms left and right.”

The woman goes back to work, and Logan approaches the tank closest to him. If he looks closely, he can see the water moving and swishing, as if there’s something in there, but as far as his eyes can see -- and as far as his nose can _smell_ \--, there’s _nothing_.

He’s almost disappointed, but just as he moves to go back to wiping the floor, he sees _something_. Inside the tank, the water moves and moves, clearer than before, and then, suddenly, there _is_ something — or, rather, some _one_.

The person in the water is just that — a _person_ — or, at the very least, something that looks a lot like one. Their entire body is faintly covered in blue fur, but it’s short enough that it almost looks like normal body hair, and the hair at the top of their head is long enough to go down to their shoulders. Underneath that their skin looks silky, like a fish, and the person also has strange markings at their sides and neck and forehead, almost like invisible tattoos. In the light these glow bright, almost golden, in that way that some sea creatures do. The pointy ears at the side of their face look like gills — which makes sense, since they’re presumably a sea creature —, and they have a thin blue tail coming down from their spine.

Logan has no idea how long he spends just staring at the blue sea-person and their mesmerizing bright yellow eyes and their three-fingered hands and feet. He loses track of time, because _what the hell is this_ and _how the fuck did they get a hold of an actual mer-person_ and _where did they even find_ —

“Logan?” Ororo asks. He hears the exact moment she sees the person, because she gasps and lets her mop fall. “What on earth…?”

At the very least, he’s glad he’s not just hallucinating this entire thing. Hearing some kind of confirmation that Ororo can see the person, too, releases some of the tension on his shoulders.

The next time she speaks, she’s standing right next to him. “Is it…?”

Logan has no idea what she’s trying to say, but he doesn’t get the chance to ask her about it.

The door to the room slowly starts to open, and with the noise, the sea-person disappears.

“Do we pay the two of you to stand around?” A man asks, and Logan doesn’t have to look away from the water to recognize his annoying-ass voice: Bolivar Trask. “There is still blood on the ground.”

The scientist is, frankly, someone Logan wouldn’t mourn if the other suddenly fell off a cliff. Despite being a dwarf — and therefore a _minority—_ , he seems to have no regard for any form of human emotion, even by Logan’s standards. The man will often “rent out” the government facility for his own experiments, and everytime he does, he makes sure to leave a huge mess behind him.

More than that, however, Trask is one of the more outspoken racist CEOs in America. Of course, Logan knows that there are no shortage of racist and bigoted rich millionaires in the country, but Trask is someone who likes his opinions to be heard loud and clear, and will do everything he can to make sure this is achieved.

Trask then seems to realize the two janitors have found out about his little secret project, because he clears his throat and stands up straighter.

“I expect the two of you to keep this on the _down-low_ for now.” Trask glares, trying his hardest to intimidate them. “I expect it will be _very_ hard for the likes of _you_ to find jobs if you are fired from this one.”

He says it like a threat, and Logan takes it as one. Though Ororo isn’t a completely lost cause, they all know very well that a mute Asian man in his mid-40s, once fired by the government, will see his sad excuse for a career completely destroyed.

Logan and Ororo are quick to finish mopping the whole place up, but before they leave he makes sure to steal one last glance towards the tanks, hoping but not expecting to see the mer-person one last time.

Unfortunately, nobody appears.


	2. the shape of You

The next day finds Logan arriving early on the job, for the first time ever. He doesn’t even wait for Ororo to arrive before heading over to Room 616.

The two of them had discussed the situation yesterday, but in the end the woman was too scared of ruining her career to do anything “stupid”, as she called it. The way Logan saw it, though, Trask had just as much to lose as they did if the two janitors got fired.

Knowing Trask Industries, they’re probably hoping to use the poor sea-person to achieve some kind of “scientific breakthrough”. By doing so, they’ll gain the upper hand on their two market competitors, W+ and Magneto Enterprises, and then it’ll only be a matter of time before Trask becomes a household name. 

If Logan has any say in it, then, none of that will be happening. W+ is worse than Trask, objectively, but Magneto Enterprises is the lesser evil of the three. If Trask tries to fire him, he’ll make sure to stop by Magneto Enterprises and ruin the scientist’s plans of world domination.

As he walks by the halls of his workplace, none of the other workers — be they janitors, scientists, or businessmen — seem to pay him any mind. He’s particularly proud of this fact: his angry scowl and homeless beard give him a look that takes him no effort to prepare, yet that keeps everyone away from him.

When he arrives in the room, he puts in the passcode Trask gave him,  _ nightcrawler _ , and the doors start to slowly open. He’d done some research on sea-people last night, if only due to boredom, and found some pretty interesting theories he’d like to test out.

The first is that sea-people are more sit-and-wait predators, staying at the very bottom of the ocean, camouflaged, just waiting for small fish to appear. The other is that mermaids, as sea creatures with human emotions, are vegetarian by choice and get along well with all sea animals. He’s not sure whether the blue guy from yesterday fits into the label of ‘mermaid’, but he’d like to try it out.

Today, it seems that the scientists have opted to let the sea-person roam through the small pool in the middle of the room — though, obviously, chained to the wall so as to not escape.

Logan can see both the top of the pool and the chain move as the person swims around, and he slowly approaches it. He settles down on the steps that lead to the pool, and as he does, he notices the water stop moving, almost like it can hear him. He puts down the small paper bag he brought with him and takes out some sashimi, and then scratches his nails on the concrete of the border, to get the other’s attention.

Slowly, the top of a head appears from under the water. Only the person’s bright yellow eyes are visible, unblinking and searching for any sign that may indicate Logan will hurt them.

He doesn’t bother seasoning the sashimi with anything before taking a large bite out of it. It’s his first meal of the day, but he’s never been one with a weak stomach, so he chews and swallows it all down while the person continues watching him, this time with curious rather than apprehensive eyes.

Logan then straightens his arm in front of him, presenting the other with the rest of the raw fish. Under the water, the sea-person’s gills flutter, probably at the delicious smell of food, and they start approaching him slowly, carefully.

Once they’re close enough, they start making their way out of the pool as much as they can with that damn collar around their neck. Their body isn’t glowing as it was yesterday, which is a shame, but they’re still mesmerizing in that unique way that nobody else in this world is.

Logan makes the mistake of leaning forward, nearly touching the sea-person, and something incredible happens — terrifying, sure, but still incredible: they lash out at him. All the gills on their body — on his head, neck, at his sides and even his thighs — straighten, and they make a horrifying, inhuman sound, like an animal trying to scare off another.

The man isn’t one to be easily frightened, not by a long shot, so he’s unaffected. Still, he backs away from the sea-person and carefully lays the sashimi down for them to take as they please. All the while, the other stares at him with wide assessing eyes, the tension slowly leaving their body.

_ Fish _ , Logan signs, slowly, and then backs away again.

For a few seconds, the blue person — who Logan is starting to think is actually a male, but who is he to judge? — just stares at the fish. Their gills are still fluttering, though, so he can tell they want nothing more than to just devour that poor fish.

Abruptly, they take the sashimi in one hand and quickly go back underwater.

Ororo finds him in the changing room an hour later, and he acts like nothing happened.

From the look in her eyes, though, she knows.

“Trask wants to talk to us,” she says, giving him a  _ look _ . “ _ Formally _ , this time.”

He sighs.  _ We know what  _ that _ means. _

They walk to Trask’s office — which, really, isn’t  _ actually _ his office, since he’s not a government official. He has friends in the government, though, who are just as small-minded as him, and that alone is enough to get him his own place, complete with his own bathroom and everything. It’s superbly clean, unlike everything else he touches, and Logan wonders just how much effort he puts into pleasing his higher-ups.

Logan and Ororo sit down next to each other, ready to be questioned.

Trask knows very well that Logan is mute, but he still makes sure to ask him some questions directly. If the scientist knew ASL, this wouldn’t be such a problem, but as it is it just annoys the hell out of Logan when Ororo has to act like his interpreter. He has so much inside him he’d like to get out, but there’s also so much stopping him.

Behind Trask’s desk and facing Logan and Ororo are small screens showing the security footage of every area surrounding Room 616. Honestly, it’s more of a show of power than anything — like their boss is showing them just how he can control them —, and it’s not like Logan was stupid enough to believe he wasn’t being watched, but it still makes him sit up a little straighter in his leather chair.

He’s also not stupid enough to ask Trask exactly whose arm it was that they found. If the scientist is smart — which, as they’ve already established, he is —, he’ll have fired that poor employee already, making sure to pay extra for their silence.

“Let me make myself clear,” Trask says, all previous feigned interest in them gone. “You are to clean Room 616 every afternoon, and then you are to get the hell out.”

Logan, for the first time in his career, listens carefully to what he’s saying. If the boss man wants them to clean the room every afternoon, that means there must be other janitors in the night shift cleaning the same room. That means, of course, that if the sea-person were to escape, then it wouldn’t be immediately obvious, to the casual observer, that Logan and Ororo aided in their escape. He has no idea why Trask would be so stupid as to drag more people into this mess, but Logan’s not gonna complain — not when it benefits him.

“And, just in case you’re curious — which I am sure you are —, that thing in Room 616 is what we call the Nightcrawler.” Trask smiles sadistically. “It is a dangerous creature, and you shouldn’t treat it as a pet — nor should you  _ feed _ it like some domesticated aquarium dolphin.”

He fixes a glare at Logan, but the janitor ignores him. 

Ororo’s look, however, is harder to ignore, and he only glances at her long enough to convey the message that he’ll explain later.

“However, besides being a threat, it is, of course, an  _ asset _ .” Trask crosses his legs on his chair. “My boys found it somewhere off the German coast of the Baltic Sea — some even lost their lives trying to capture it. Good men, they were.”

Logan resists the urge to roll his eyes. 

_ Do you even know their names? _ , he signs, subtly, if only because he knows Trask won’t understand him. Ororo gives him another look, and that’s already Strike Two.

“Now, I am sure the likes of  _ you _ would like to think of the Nightcrawler as a human — as a  _ person _ , even.” The scientist shakes his head. “But make no mistake: it is  _ not _ one of us. It stands on two legs. It has a mouth and two eyes and two arms and two legs, sure. But so did the devil.” He glares at them. “It is an  _ abomination _ . As humans, it is our responsibility to make sure that thing in there doesn’t take us all out — and, in order to do that, we must keep it away from all others of its kind that may exist out there in the ocean. Do you understand?”

Both of them hesitate to agree with him, not sharing his views. Thankfully, the phone on Trask’s desk rings before they’re pressured into giving an answer.

He dismisses them from his office and they rush to get out of there. Logan, however, is still able to hear the beginning of the man’s conversation — something about a new transfer doctor. Trask makes a demeaning comment about the new doctor’s gender — a  _ woman _ .

Logan feels the other’s eyes on him, even after he’s far away from the office.

The next day, Logan brings chips, because raw fish is expensive these days, and also because he wants to see what else the sea-person can eat. 

He’s decided to ignore Trask’s warning/threat, if only out of spite. This whole thing is, sadly, the most exciting thing to happen to him, and there’s no way he’s letting some bigot scientist keep him from enjoying it.

The sea-person — the  _ Nightcrawler _ — is waiting for him when he arrives in the room, early like yesterday, the upper half of their blue chest uncovered by the water. They stand up straighter when they notice him, and those eyes keep watching his every move, so Logan tries something out: he takes out the paper bag and waves it next to him, still standing close to the door.

To his surprise, the Nightcrawler brings up their right hand and makes a faint motion: they bring their palm to face the wall, vertically, and then wave their hand left to right, multiple times. It takes Logan a second to realize the Nightcrawler is  _ signing, _ with their three fingered-hand — that the other is imitating the motion they’d seen him do the previous day:  _ fish _ .

His eyes widen and he reluctantly shakes his head.  _ No fish today, sorry _ .

The Nightcrawler must recognize the shake of his head as a negative, because it sloops dejectedly onto the edge of the pool, almost like a puppy —  _ if _ a puppy moved strangely and stiffly, the way the Nightcrawler does. The way they move is something Logan could watch for days on end, but he doesn’t think the other would appreciate it all too much.

Before the other can feel too disappointed, however, he takes out the chips and starts approaching the pool. The Nightcrawler’s eyes widen and they stand up straight again, and this time they let him get real close.

Opening the bag of chips startles the other a bit, but then the smell fills their nostrils and they look almost excited. The markings around their face start to glow again, and Logan has to blink for a few times while watching them in order to get back on track.

He smiles and signs,  _ Potato chips _ .

The Nightcrawler, for a “dangerous creature” that’s a “threat” to humankind, is surprisingly intelligent. They pick up the signs Logan teaches them ( _ no _ ,  _ yes _ ,  _ me _ ,  _ you _ — all that basic stuff) surprisingly quickly, and in turn they get one chip per correct answer. It’s almost like training a dog, but he quickly erases the thought of comparing the Nightcrawler to an animal… he’s not  _ Trask _ , and he doesn’t see this sea-person as a thing, or a pet. Whatever or whoever the Nightcrawler may be, he refuses to stoop to that level.

The rest of the week goes by surprisingly fast, what with Logan always arriving early and spending his time teaching the Nightcrawler some ASL. He brings them leftover pizza on the third day, which they enjoy very much, and on the fourth he treats them to a sweet piece of apple pie, which they also enjoy.

He learns how to read their body language, too. Being mute, reading others’ facial expressions and their body language kind of comes with the job, but the Nightcrawler is something completely out of this world. They’re easy to read, but it’s also not something that would come naturally to a beginner. Having had as much experience as Logan has, it’s easy to match the other’s various small sounds to the correct emotions, to recognize that there are different types of ‘blinks’, different types of head tilts.

It’s highly entertaining, if he’s being honest.

On the fifth day, he brings a portable record player and one of his favorite records, and he plays it over for the other to hear: Glenn Miller’s ‘Lover’s Serenade’. 

It’s one of the most incredible things he’s ever seen — and he’s not one to ever remark on that type of thing. He’d learned quickly into his new life that romance wasn’t a thing made for him, and for a while he’d entertained the thought that perhaps he wasn’t made for love — a thought that, when he met Charles and Ororo, he quickly perished. He  _ loves _ , is capable of loving, just not romantically.

As the song starts, the Nightcrawler’s markings light up, completely, a few seconds in. Their eyes are twinkling, their gills fluttering to the rhythm of the instrumental, and they suddenly stand up.

Their blue arms reach out into the air, almost like they’re dancing, and then Logan notices their fingers are closing in every second, almost like they’re trying to snatch something up — but not  _ something _ , no.

The Nightcrawler is trying to touch the music itself.

Logan smiles, and the Nightcrawler smiles back.

Ororo notices, because of course she does.

On the third day, she approaches Logan with a warning about him ‘losing his job’ and about ‘developing an attachment’, as if he hadn’t already thought about that. He’s practically the poster child for commitment issues — as his various failed relationships over the last 11 years would show —, but he tells himself it’s different this time. Not necessarily because the Nightcrawler isn’t human — clearly, they aren’t —, but because, just like himself, the other struggles with  _ language _ .

There’s a reason why Logan’s only ever kept in touch with Ororo and Charles: they’re the only two people he’s met over the past 11 years who can understand him,  _ fully _ . They’re the only ones with which he feels like the lack of a spoken language isn’t a barrier — something that, admittedly, is  _ extremely _ hard to find. 

It’s not even a question of knowing ASL, because most of his so-called ‘partners’ have known sign language. He makes sure  _ that _ part, at least, is always taken care of — almost like a prerequisite for a short-term partner.

Even still, Ororo and Charles can both hear and speak, and when they’re not with Logan they can always go back to  _ speaking _ to the other people in their lives. And it’s happened a few times now, where he’d have an argument with one of them and the other decided they would just… look  _ away _ from him, cutting off his only viable way of communication. It’s not often that this happens, despite their very frequent fights, because he’s made sure to let them know how much of an asshole move it is. 

However, it still happens, and he  _ hates _ it.

With the Nightcrawler, it’s like they’re in the same boat. ASL is, quite literally, their only way of communicating with the other, and Logan loves it.

He knows it’s selfish, to like someone just because he’s the only person who can understand them, but he’s never been one to care much for that. He knows very well the type of person he is, and he’s too old and tired to change now.

“Don’t say I didn’t warn you,” Ororo says, at the end of her speech, but she doesn’t make any move to stop him. She’s not that kind of person, anyways, and even if she had tried to stop him, they both know he wouldn’t listen to her.

Then, when Logan meets with Charles that Saturday, he tells the older all about what’s been happening at work.

Charles has invited him over for ‘some proper food’ and because he apparently has news, but Logan finds himself monopolizing their entire conversation talking about the Nightcrawler.

Halfway through their dinner together, then, he shifts the conversation back towards Charles.

_ So what’s with you? _ , he signs, taking a sip of his beer. The older is too old and sophisticated to drink any alcohol other than wine, unfortunately, so Logan has resigned himself to drinking by himself.  _ You look happier than usual _ .

Charles smiles brightly. “Would you believe me if I told you I met someone, my friend?”

Logan can’t help it — he chokes on his drink. The older doesn’t take offence — he hardly ever does — and helps him get it out of his system.

_ You what? _

“Oh, he’s  _ lovely _ , Logan.” The smile on his face only sweetens, and Logan wants to puke — but he’s too happy for him, genuinely. “His name is Erik. We met at a civil rights rally, and we had a lovely talk about the treatment of those that are different in our current society. He’s Jewish, see, and not only that, but he’s also bisexual! Can you believe my luck?”

Logan doesn’t. He’s immediately suspicious of this Erik person, but for now he decides to stay happy for his friend.

_ How old? _ , he asks, not really thinking of another question.

“A few years older than me.”

That makes more sense, then. If this ‘Erik’ had been younger, Logan would have made sure to track him down and make sure he’s not planning anything. It’s happened before, where one of Charles’ boyfriends had only started dating him for his family fortune. When the young boy found out that Charles had inherited very little, he’d immediately dumped him.

If he’d gained a few permanent bruises on his body the day after, Logan wouldn’t know. He didn’t stay long enough after beating him up to find out.

He’d always wondered why Charles — brilliant, bright, almost  _ mind-reading _ Charles — didn’t see the red flags in all his partners. The old man wasn’t stupid — if he could understand Logan, of all people, then he should have been able to read all those other sacks of shit he’d dated… but it’s almost like Charles knew them, read them, and still kept on going along with their charade, for some reason.

Logan may not be the most emotionally stable person in the world, but he knows that one should never have to “settle” when it came to romance — hell, in all his relationships, Logan was the one who did nothing and expected the most out of his partners.  _ They _ settled for him, and never the other way around, and he felt bad, sure, but what could he do?

As he sits there, listening to one of his closest friends go on about Erik’s eyes and Erik’s smile and Erik’s laugh, he smiles. Sure, he may not approve of this guy just yet, but if he makes Charles this happy, then everything should be okay.

Eventually, his mind travels back to thoughts of the Nightcrawler, and this time he doesn’t block them out like he normally would.


	3. I find You

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Mystique! More Nightcrawler! Break-ins and breakthroughs!
> 
> CW: There is a brief scene of violence in this chapter, because Trask is a bastard man, so if you're uncomfortable with that skip from "From the angle he's in" to "The door opens".  
> There's also one line with a racial slur, from "Logan just stares at him" to "Logan gives him a mean glare".

The new doctor’s name is Raven Darkholme, and Logan finds himself liking her just for her name alone. What can he say? It’s a badass name.

She arrives the week after the Nightcrawler does, and three weeks into her stay, Logan finds himself enjoying the woman’s company — not enough for him to risk losing his job by getting involved with her, though there’s no denying she  _ is _ very attractive. Whenever she catches him in Room 616 when he’s supposed to be elsewhere, she never says anything to Trask — despite being the scientist’s right-hand woman. Apparently, the dwarf was much more pleased about a woman doctor when he realized she was attractive, and Logan only feels bad for the man’s poor wife and their kids.

There was one instance, where Logan was in Room 616 when he was supposed to be cleaning the dirty bathrooms, and she caught him moving his head to the sound of the record he’d put on — Benny Goodman’s ‘Moonglow’ — while the Nightcrawler danced and swam around in one of the tanks. It was a regular occurrence for the two of them, and Logan had even learned not to stare whenever the sea-person’s markings started glowing, so he was distracted mopping the water on the floor. He didn’t even hear the woman come in, if he’s being honest, and he only ever noticed her because she accidentally dropped the tray of raw fish she’d been holding.

When he’d turned back at the sound, alarmed, he’d only seen one thing inside her deep eyes:  _ wistfulness _ . Ever since then, he’d subconsciously lowered his guard around the woman — and, apparently, so had the Nightcrawler. The three of them plus Ororo made quite a team making a complete fool of Trask.

It’s already been a month since he met the sea-person, and in that month he’s learned much about  _ him _ . Namely, that the Nightcrawler prefers going by the pronouns of ‘he’ and ‘him’ when using ASL, though it was difficult for Logan to explain the concepts of ‘gender’ and ‘sex’ to someone who’s not used to them.

The Nightcrawler has learned much of ASL, which is mostly due to three things: Logan’s insistence, a lot of money wasted on chips, and owing Ororo a lot of favors. The last is one is because, whenever Trask gets fed up with Logan, he makes him clean some lab on the other side of the facility and the janitor is physically unable to see the sea-person. However, Trask can’t stop  _ Ororo _ from going in there and teaching him more ASL if he doesn’t know that Ororo is in on it — a fact that they’ve tried very hard to conceal from his knowledge.

They’ve even come up with an alternate name for the Nightcrawler:  _ Kurt _ . It fits him, and it’s short enough for Logan to enjoy spelling out every letter of his name when talking about him — not that he does that often. Everyone else who knows about him does (i.e. Ororo and Charles), but Logan’s taken to a more… creative nickname for Kurt:  _ elf _ . 

He thinks it’s extremely fitting, and won’t accept any criticism when it comes down to it. They’ve reached a level of friendship where Logan can confidently say that Kurt is cute, like an elf, and he can hardly believe the Kurt he knows is the same  _ monster _ that Trask claims killed so many ‘good men’.

Today, though.

Today, according to the stupid calendar Logan has in his kitchen — the one Charles bought him as a ‘joke’, filled with cheesy quotes —, is the 12th of March.

It already starts off as a shitty day when, as soon as he arrives at the facility, Trask calls him and tells him to clean the East Wing — thus crushing all hopes he’d had of seeing Nightcrawler again. The scientist says Ororo will be joining him shortly, as soon as she arrives, and he curses the man in his head. It’s almost like he’s going to great lengths to make sure he has a _ very shitty _ day.

Logan deliberately takes his time when going from Trask’s office to the East Wing, and he makes sure he at least passes by Room 616 on his way there.

As he does, however, some businessmen he’s never seen before call out for him. Businessmen are already bad news, by themselves, but when in a group they can be… awfully annoying, with their name-calling and their name-dropping and their shows of masculinity.

The minute Logan gets a good look at the three of them, he can tell that they’re the type that’ll stir up some trouble: their ties are loosely done in their suits, and they’re smoking inside, like they’re trying to look tough. 

If he ignores his rage and takes his chance, though, Logan just might be able to sneak in and take a look at Kurt.

One of the men — blond, with weird eyebrows and a sunburn on his neck — flicks his cigarette towards Logan. From the look on his face, he knows very well that there’s a trash bin right there behind him, and makes a show of raising his eyebrow.

Logan just stares at him. He doesn’t bother with ASL, 99% certain they won’t know what he’s doing if he even tries.

“Well, then,  _ chink _ ?” The man asks, smirking. “You gonna pick that up or not?”

Logan gives him a mean glare, and points to the sign behind them that says, “No Smoking Indoors”.

One of the other men — brunette, crooked teeth, looks like he’s trying to grow a beard — laughs. “Oh, so the Chinaman  _ can _ read English! I guess they  _ do _ make ‘em smart now.”

The janitor raises an eyebrow and points to the camera located a few centimeters away from Room 616’s main door.

“Nah, don’t you worry ‘bout that.” The blonde guy says, shrugging. “See, we may be new here, but even  _ we _ know that that camera’s just for show. Trask keeps it there to frighten off any stupid worker, but it barely works.”

He kicks the trash can, moving it right under the camera.

“See, if we just…” He gets on top of the can, sticking close to the wall, and moves the camera just a little bit upwards. “See? No harm done.”

The man jumps back off the trash can, but either he must have hit a nerve or Logan’s luck is turning, because he groans in pain and brings his twisted ankle up to his hip.

Logan snorts, knowing exactly how they’ll react to his little noise, and ignores them when they ask him what he’s laughing at.

When the dark-haired man goes in for the first punch, predictably, he dodges and lands one right on the other’s stomach. The man goes reeling back — a novice mistake —, and Logan kicks him in the same spot, effectively rendering him useless for at least the rest of the fight.

The brunette comes at him with a raised fist, but he also doesn’t have much experience and it’s clear from the way his eyes are widened in fear and apprehension. Logan elbows him in the shoulder and easily swerves away from his punch.

However, it’s while Logan deals with this one that the blond takes the opportunity and lands a surprise punch right on his left eye.

He’s about to retaliate, having finished taking care of the brunette, but then he hears voices coming down the hallway. They’re faint, so much so that the blond hasn’t even noticed them yet, but Logan is still alarmed. 

It’s all he can do to quickly get both men off him, type in the passcode for Room 616, and then hide. If he’s lucky — which, admittedly, he very much is  _ not _ —, the three businessmen won’t tell on him out of humiliation of getting their asses beat by a ‘Chinaman’.

As soon as the doors close, he searches for Kurt. There are days when the sea-person is swimming in one of the tubes, and others when he’s obediently waiting for Logan on the pool, but today is neither one of those days.

Kurt is kneeling down in the middle of the room, away from the water that gives him life, his hands, feet, and neck enclosed in chains. He doesn’t look like he’s struggling for water yet, but Logan isn’t about to find out what happens to a sea-person when they’re away from water.

As he moves to get the other free, he notices the different surgical tools around the room and realizes just what Trask plans on doing to the  _ asset _ . Logan wishes he had some way of just… cutting these chains open and bringing hell upon the people responsible, but he’s powerless now. They  _ can’t _ do this to Kurt.

He takes one of the scissors, the largest one, but it’s still not nearly strong enough to cut through the tough chains, and he growls in frustration. The bruise on his left eye has already faded — one of the perks of having a nice healing system —, but Kurt, on the other hand, is squirming in discomfort as the chains bruise his body.

And then the door to the room begins to open, and Logan knows he shouldn’t be here but he can’t just leave—

_ Go _ , Kurt signs at him, his eyes wide.  _ Please _ .

He wants to argue, but if Trask finds him there he’ll be no good to Kurt if he’s fired, so he hides under the sink and watches, his vision red, as Trask enters the room.

From the angle he’s kneeling in, he can’t see what Trask does, but the next thing he knows, Kurt is howling in pain. An electric sound fills the air, the stink of burning skin filling Logan’s nostrils, and he stabs his nails into his palms to keep himself quiet.

“Come on, now, give me  _ something _ at least, you devil!” Trask shouts, and Kurt howls in pain again. “I know you’ve somehow been  _ communicating _ with that mute bastard, Logan, and his little girlfriend. Give me  _ something _ , you freak!” 

He shocks Kurt again, and this time Logan smells, rather than sees, bright red blood flowing from his friend’s wounds.

“Is that god-awful noise your cry for help?” Trask spits on the other’s trembling chest. “‘Cause I got news for ya, buddy: there’s no help coming, not this time.” The man shakes his head. “No, this time it’s just me, and you, and  _ this _ .”

The door opens, and, frankly, that’s the only thing that stops Logan from coming out and tearing the man’s throat out.

“Dr. Trask!” Raven’s voice is a blessing to Logan’s ears. “It’s Senator Kelly. He wants—”

“Can’t you see I’m  _ busy _ here?”

She stays in place, but Logan thinks he sees her tense when she notices Kurt on the ground. “He’s  _ bleeding _ .”

Her voice sounds pained.

Trask scoffs. “‘He’? It’s the  _ devil _ , Ms. Darkholme. Can’t you see its tail, its blue skin, its yellow eyes… that is the work of the devil.”

She hesitates, but eventually clears her throat. “It’s Senator Kelly, sir. He’s here.”

“ _ He’s _ the one that ordered this whole fucking operation.” Trask rolls his eyes, but starts walking towards the door. “What problem could he possibly have with me following his orders?”

Together, they both leave the room.

Once the door is closed, Logan turns on the sink and rushes to Kurt’s side. The chains might be too much for him to break on his own, but he can do one thing, at least: give him water. 

At the moment, it doesn’t matter that Trask could come back at any moment and finally decide he’s had enough of him. It doesn’t matter that there’ll be traces of him everywhere once Kurt is safe and alive. It doesn’t matter that Logan’s about to lose his job and his only source of income, that he’s about to disappoint Charles and Ororo both at once.

He’s never once wished he could share his healing abilities with someone else, before now. He’s always known his cursed healing is the reason why he doesn’t remember so much of his life, and he’s never had enough of a reason to want to wish this fate upon anyone else. It’s a damnation, this stupid thing, and the worst part is that it disguises itself as a blessing.

_ Now _ , though.

Frankly, Kurt was doomed even before Logan met him. The minute the sea-person let himself be captured by Trask, killing all those ‘good men’ in the process, he was doomed. 

There’s no reason, then, why sharing his healing should doom Kurt, because they’re both hopeless cases. Both of their souls are already damned anyway, so they might as well go out together, unable to be hurt and unable to be killed.

Like true  _ devils _ .

It’s as he’s carefully taking the electric baton away, however, that the door opens again.

Logan is very prepared to fight for both their lives — the water from the sink is overflowing, but it’s not anywhere near reaching Kurt yet —, so he initially glares at Raven as she steps through the door.

And then he sees that she’s dragging the blond man — the one who’d punched Logan — behind her. The man looks in an even worse state than when Logan left him, and it takes a second for him to realize that  _ Raven _ did that to him.

“This guy tried to free the  _ asset _ ,” she says, throwing the man onto the sink like he weighs nothing. “He’s a spy for the W+ company. He heard about Trask’s plan to vivisect the asset, decided it was now or never, and turned on the sink to keep him alive.”

Logan nods, quickly catching on. He doesn’t know if he can trust her, but it’s better than the alternative.

Raven takes out a pair of large strong pliers from her lab coat and tosses it to him. 

Immediately, he starts to work on the chain on Kurt’s neck, and it comes off surprisingly — almost  _ too _ — easily.

“I found him and his friends trying to escape and beat them all up.” She glares at Logan. “By the time I got here, the asset was already gone.”

She then takes something else from her lab coat pocket: a piece of paper, a bottle of pills, and a few thermometers.

“I’ve written it all down,” she whispers, leaning in closer to him. “Water must be kept at 75 to 85% salinity, the temperature always under 50 degrees Fahrenheit. You must mix one of these into his diet — raw protein — once every three days.” She hands him the objects and holds onto his hand for a few extra seconds. “He  _ hates _ nuts.”

Logan breaks the last chain, and carries Kurt the hell away from there.


	4. all around me

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sometimes I think of Ororo and cry cause she's just so... :') breathtaking, a queen, the goddess of my heart.
> 
> This is the part that made me cry while I was writing lol... I was reading the script for The Shape of Water and it's truly *poetic cinema*.
> 
> Also: FRIENDS!!! Logan and Ororo's friendship is beautiful :'))

The first thing he does is call Charles. 

He knows Ororo will cover for him if Trask asks about him — which he doubts will happen, considering Senator Kelly is there with him —, and he knows he has a few hours before they notice the asset is gone. Raven’s a smart woman, after all, and despite everything else he believes in her ability to _stall_.

Charles is in the middle of a date with Erik when he calls, which is why it takes five calls and three voicemails for the man to answer, but it turns out to be just as well: Erik has a car, he can drive, and, as it turns out, the two aren’t too far from the facility.

Logan covers Kurt in his uniform — a hard feat to pull off, since the other is so much taller and skinnier than him — and carries him all the way outside, where they wait impatiently for Charles and Erik to arrive.

When they finally do, only a few minutes later, Logan carefully lays Kurt down on the backseat and lays the other’s head on his lap. He tries to calm the other down by running his hand through his hair and, occasionally, through his short fur, but he’s not too sure how successful he is; Kurt continues shivering.

“It’s nice to finally meet you, Logan,” Erik says, eyes on the road. “Charles has told me a lot about you.”

Logan doubts the man has told him about how Logan is friends with a sea-person, but he isn’t too fond of Erik finding out about Kurt, if he’s being honest. Charles is all praise about Erik, but Logan’s seen what people like Trask and Kelly have called Kurt — a freak, a monster, a _devil_ — and he doesn’t want to hear any more of that.

So far, however, Erik has kept his eyes on the road, and Logan respects that. 

When he turns to Charles, he knows the old man has already figured out what happened. He hadn’t told the other much of what’s going on, not after finding out the man was on a date, but in the end he should’ve known he can’t hide something as big as this.

Charles turns around from where’s sitting in the passenger’s seat and signs, _You broke him out?_. There is a disapproving look on his face that Logan hates.

 _What was I supposed to do?_ Logan scowls. _They were gonna kill him_.

 _You are messing with something beyond dangerous — and illegal._ Charles frowns down at Kurt, but his eyes soften when he finally gets a good look at the other, asleep on Logan’s lap. _He’s beautiful_.

 _He’s completely alone,_ Logan signs, showing more emotion on his face than he ever has before. _He’s not—_ He shakes his head, stopping himself. _He’s_ someone.

Charles sighs. _He’s a creature_.

Logan growls, but no noise comes out. He doesn’t want to fight with the older, not like this, especially since he knows where Charles is coming from. Considering the old man’s history of trusting and falling and breaking, trusting and falling and breaking, trusting and falling and breaking… it’s not hard to see why he’s so reluctant to trust now.

‘Doesn’t stop him from trusting Erik, does it?’ Logan thinks, but shakes his head, perishing the thought.

 _And what am I, then?_ , he signs. _I move my mouth, like him, and I make no sound, like him. What does that make me?_

Charles sighs. _You are a person. A man. Kurt is—_

Logan uses his hands to physically stop Charles from speaking.

 _The way he looks at me…_ Logan urges the older man to understand. _He doesn’t know what I lack… or how I am incomplete. He just sees me for what I am, as I am._ He huffs out a self-pitying laugh. _Hell, every time he sees me, he is happy to see me. Every fucking time, every fucking day_.

The frown in Charles’ face softens into a more neutral expression, like he’s fighting with himself mentally. 

Logan sees the exact moment the older gives up fighting, realizing it's a hopeless fight.

 _I just hope you are sure of what you are doing._ Charles sighs. _I hope he is worth it_.

Logan rolls his eyes, but they both know how relieved he really feels at those words. 

_Look at him. Of course he’s worth it_.

By the time they reach Logan’s apartment, Kurt is spasming and moaning in pain. He’s struggling to breathe outside the water, and the best they could do was drip water from inside a plastic bottle onto his body, but it did very little to cure the pain.

When they stop and get out, though, it becomes impossible to hide him from Erik. Logan does his best to cover as much of Kurt’s body as possible, even going so far as to taking his own shirt off and covering the other’s uneven feet with it, but it’s still very clear that Kurt isn’t exactly a _human_ — not with the color of his skin, or the brightness of his eyes.

Erik’s eyes widen when he sees the blue man, but thankfully he realizes that the time for questions is later. 

He and Logan carry Kurt up to the apartment, Charles heading in ahead of them and doing them the favor of starting the bathtub, and by the time they reach Logan’s bathroom, the water is already covering half of it.

“I’ve already put some salt in,” Charles says. “Just in case.”

The two men carefully lay a convulsing Kurt onto the water, where he slowly starts to relax once again. Very slowly, his color goes from purple to the normal shade of blue, and Logan releases a long, deep breath.

It’s only when he’s sure that the other isn’t closing his eyes in pain, but rather in peace, that he lets himself relax. He stays in the bathroom for a while after Erik and Charles leave for the living room, just to make sure everything really is _alright_.

He steps out to find both men sitting on the couch, not talking.

 _Thank you_ , he signs to both Charles and, reluctantly, to Erik.

He has no idea if the latter knows ASL, but even if he doesn’t, it doesn’t matter. What matters is that Kurt is safe and alive and he’s never going back to that damn lab ever again, not as long as Logan’s alive — and he plans on living for a long, _long_ time.

“So,” Erik says, handing a glass of water to Logan. “I… can I ask, about…?”

Logan stares at him. He hadn’t gotten a good look at the man before, but he can see his charm: he’s definitely older than Charles, even though he does have hair, and his upward-shaped eyebrows make him look happier than he probably feels. Something about his face feels a bit off though, but Logan doesn’t know how to pinpoint exactly what it is yet.

He nods towards Charles and leaves the two of them be, returning to the bathroom. Erik can know about Kurt, sure — not like they have any other choice —, but Logan will be damned if he wastes any more time with the man, not thinking of a plan for the long-term.

First, he calls Ororo and leaves her a voicemail, telling her to cover for him — which he’s sure she’ll do anyway, but just in case. If Trask asks, he was with her the whole time the escape happened — not that he will, because Raven has hopefully dealt with everything. Logan then tells Ororo that everything is fine, that Kurt is alive, and that she can trust Raven Darkholme in case anything happens. He’s not so sure about that last one, but for now she’s all they have.

Then, he watches Kurt sleep. 

He tells himself it’s not creepy, that he’s just watching over the other’s wellbeing. After all, they still need to figure out what to do with Kurt, and if Logan is looking at him then he can focus on the task at hand and not be distracted by anything else.

Obviously, Logan can’t keep him in his apartment. It breaks his heart, but he won’t keep Kurt there against his will — he’s sure all the blue man wants is to be free once again, and he refuses to ‘be too attached’, as Ororo put it. Besides, there’s no space in his tiny bathtub for the other to swim, and he’d grow quickly bored of staying there all day while Logan was at work.

And that’s another thing, too. Logan can’t quit his job, not _now_ because it would be too suspicious, and not when it’s his only source of income. Jobs that pay well and require nothing but _silence_ are hard to come by these days, and with the way he eats there’s no way he’d survive a _year_ , let alone the rest of his life, on some bullshit minimum wage job.

His thoughts are interrupted when he starts to hear Erik and Charles in the living room, their voices getting gradually louder like they’re fighting about something. He stands up from where he’s sitting, on the toilet, and watches them argue.

“ — give him to anyone, Erik!” Charles is saying, exasperated. “Much less another multibillion dollar company that will only—”

Erik scowls. “Magneto Enterprises will _not_ mistreat the creature—”

“Kurt is not a _creature_!” Charles must be looking at the other with whole new eyes now, and Logan only feels _slightly_ bad about it. “Kurt is a person, no matter how he may look. And, at the moment, the only man he trusts is Logan, so unless you can convince him to…”

Charles notices Logan standing there on the doorway, behind Erik, and beckons him forward. He opens his mouth, presumably to explain to the younger what’s going on, but Logan has heard enough of their conversation to have a general idea.

 _You’re fucking insane_ , he signs, scowling at Erik. _You better get the hell out of my house if you plan on going anywhere near Kurt_.

Charles starts to translate — unfortunately ignoring all the cursing —, but Logan loses his patience halfway through, and starts pushing the man away. He mouths the words, _Get the hell out_ , hoping the man’s lip reading is decent, and pushes him one last time towards the door.

Erik blinks, and chances one last glance towards Charles before making his way out of Logan’s apartment.

Thankfully, Charles has enough sense to not go after him, but he still fixes Logan with a disappointed glare when they hear his car leave the driveway.

“You did not have to be so rude,” Charles says, and doesn’t let Logan interrupt him. “But I appreciate what you did. I could not ask him to leave without… ruining what we have — or _had_ —, but I have much to think about, now.”

Logan nods. _If that’s the kind of man Erik is…_

He hates being right about Erik, but what he hates more is the conflicted look on his friend’s face. One too many times he’s opened himself up to men that just… didn’t deliver. If Logan were closer to his age, maybe, they could— _no_. 

No, he could _never_ do that to his friend, nor to himself.

Charles starts making his way out the door, but stops just before.

“Oh, and Logan?” The man turns to him. “There’s a canal nearby. It’s only a ten-minute walk — or, in my case, _ride_ —, and, when it rains, it leads directly to the ocean.”

Logan realizes what he’s saying and gives him a last thank you.

Once he’s done closing the door behind Charles, the first thing he does is check the weather for the next day it’ll rain: ten days from now, on March 22nd. 

That means he has a week and a half left with Kurt, and he’ll make sure to spend it well.

He falls asleep on his toilet seat, just watching Kurt, but they both startle awake when his phone suddenly starts ringing.

At first he gets pissed, thinking it’s some kind of a wrong number or some other bullshit. No one who knows him would ever _call_ him. 

He signs a quick, _Sorry_ , to Kurt, but the other quickly goes back to sleep, unbothered.

Logan then checks the caller ID, and is both relieved and alarmed: Ororo Munroe.

“Are you _fucking_ insane?” She shouts into her phone the second he picks up. From the background noise, he’d say she’s taking the bus home — which can’t be good, because it means T’Challa didn’t pick her up from work as he usually does, but never mind that. “What the hell did you _do_ , Logan? What were you even _thinking_?”

He sighs. If the only reason she called him is to curse him out, then he has other things he’d rather be doing with his time— 

“I could get _fired_ , Logan! I know you don’t care about your job, or your career, or your _life,_ for heaven’s sake, but at least think about _mine_ , would you?” She grunts. “I covered for you, but they… Logan, if they find out you did it, and then they track me down… I am not like _you_.”

She takes a deep breath. “You always ask me why I don’t just quit and find a more decent job, and _there’s_ your answer: I’m not like you. I’m Black, with a capital B. Straight from Kenya. If they involve me in this, they’ll blame me, and they’ll put me in prison along with all other dark-skinned people, and my life will be over.”

Logan swallows down his guilt.

Ororo sighs. “And T’Challa… _god_ , he’s getting on my nerves, Logan. We were doing great, but then it all went to shit again, and now he doesn’t even want to _talk_ to me…”

He tries to make a sympathetic noise, but it doesn’t work, not with his throat the way it is.

Thankfully, she seems to understand what he’s trying to convey — as she always does —, because she just sighs again.

“And here I am, taking it out on you.” She pauses. “Oh, Logan. I am sorry, I just…”

He closes his eyes, tired. Hell, who the hell does she think she is, apologizing to _him_ and making him feel like even more of an asshole?

“I have no one else. You are the only person I can talk to.” She snorts a self-deprecating laugh. “I love you, you know that, right? I do. I feel like I don’t tell you that enough.”

 _Me too,_ he thinks. With his eyes closed, he can picture her leaning on the bus window, feeling bad when she shouldn’t feel bad, and he loves her, too.

 _Me too_.

“I’ll talk to you tomorrow, right?” She asks, and he taps softly onto his phone: _yes_. “Okay. Alright.”

Logan isn’t sure who hangs up first, but it’s only when he hears the BEEP BEEP BEEP of the line ending that he opens his eyes.

Kurt is looking at him, watching him, and Logan realizes they’d never been allowed to be so close to each other before, not really. Not with those chains around the other’s neck, and not with Logan’s job on the line. Not before today, when he had to carry the other’s wounded body away from that fucking hellhole.

It’s a real shame, so he slowly places his hand on top of Kurt’s. 

His blue skin is smooth, just slightly silkier than a human’s, and Logan tentatively moves his hand further along the other’s arm, feeling his fur. Kurt’s skin is so blue that, somehow, Logan had been convinced his own fingers would be painted a faint shade of the color when he brought it away, but when he looks, there’s nothing.

 _Logan_ , Kurt signs. It’s a simple sign, requiring three fingers, and luckily Kurt has exactly three. On a regular human, it’s supposed to look like three claws (the index, the middle, and the ring finger) scratching the air downwards, but on Kurt it looks more like a wave, as he has to use his whole hand.

 _Logan,_ he signs again, and Logan quite enjoys the look of his own name on the other’s hands. _Fish ._

The man laughs at his friend’s earnest look, and stands up to go get them some food.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Tbh I'm probably gonna upload this whole fic within the span of a week lol... If I don't post it now then I'll never post it cause I'm lazy and like to procrastinate and I get ahead of myself super easily!!


	5. Your presence

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Some /things/ happen, but as mentioned in the tags, nothing too explicit. Apologies to the monsterfucking community :/

The next day at work is chaos, but Logan revels in it.

Logan and Ororo both pretend like they’re surprised when the other janitors start talking about ‘a break-in’ and ‘some spies from W+’ and ‘Room 616’.

“Apparently, though,” one of the janitors says, “Ms. Darkholme took care of the three of ‘em. By the time she was done with them, they couldn’t even remember their own names.”

Logan smirks, and Ororo nudges him. He’d like to pretend he’s not glad those bastards got what was coming to them, but he’s too relieved to do anything. 

Now all that’s left is making Trask and those other damn scientists on his team suffer. It won’t be enough if they’re put on death trial years from now, when the world is a better place and when their horrible acts are finally discovered. Logan wants them to suffer _now_.

But until Kurt is safely away from them all, swimming somewhere in the Atlantic, he can’t do anything. He won’t risk Kurt’s safety for his revenge.

Logan does his best to act sad — a hard act, for someone like him at a time like this — and angry — which is not so hard. 

When Trask catches sight of him in the hallways, he glares the scientist to death and makes a show of trying to get into Room 616. The guards stop him, with some effort, and he lets himself be held down by them, further establishing the idea that he’s not _strong_ enough to be involved in this.

“Don’t you worry, Logan,” Trask says, a snarl on his face. “We will get him back. But don’t think, for a second, that you’ll _ever_ see him again.”

Logan growls at him, but before he can tell the man to go fuck himself, he hears Raven’s voice calling for Trask. The woman has a knack for appearing at the most convenient times.

He turns to face her and stares at her for a second before realizing he’s supposed to be mad at _her_ , too.

_What did you do?,_ he signs, making an angry face but meaning something completely different. _Why did you do that?_

She ignores him. “Senator Kelly has been informed of the break-in, Dr. Trask. He’ll deal with the three spies accordingly, but he wishes to speak with you.”

Trask rolls his eyes and sighs. “Of course he does.”

As he leaves the room, the guards take Logan away, too.

The janitor only gives Raven a very brief grateful glance before going off to do his damn job.

That night, he stops by the corner market near his place and buys some more salt, as well as a cheesy Hallmark card that says, “THANK YOU FOR BEING MY FRIEND”. He’s sure Charles will appreciate it, and the only reason he doesn’t get one for Ororo is because he doesn’t wanna drive another wedge between her and T’Challa. He and Logan don’t exactly get along, and if her husband sees a card from none other than Logan, he might just have a breakdown and break things off for good between them.

He then passes by the canal Charles talked about and counts, in his time, the time it takes from there to his house: exactly 10 minutes, as the old man said.

At home, he takes off his dirty clothes and decides to leave only his boxers. He doubts Kurt would mind it if he went all the way, but he’s not sure how he feels about the blue man seeing him like _that_ just yet.

When he goes to pour the salt into the bathtub water, however, Kurt starts squirming around. Logan takes his wrist, gently, to pull him up and away, but the blue man stops him, shaking his head and pulling Logan into the bathtub with him.

_What are you doing?_ , he asks, but lets himself be pulled down — up to the point where his hands touch the warm water.

Kurt’s eyes mesmerize him, distracting him for a second, but then Logan remembers what Raven told him: water must be kept under 50 degrees F. Being very much a Canadian, he’s not sure what that means, exactly, but he’s sure the water is very definitely _way_ too hot for Kurt right now.

_Come on_ , he signs, pushing away from the other. He ignores the pout the other sends him. _We need to change your water_.

Kurt just stares at him, because he’s a stubborn shit. Logan knows he understands what he’s saying, so he doesn’t get why the blue man doesn’t want to leave. Maybe he’s still recovering from his wounds… or maybe he’s sick?

_Fuck_. Logan doesn’t know what he’ll do if Kurt turns out to be sick. Of all people, he’s probably the one least qualified to take care of a sick sea-person. He’d have to either find some way to contact Dr. Darkholme, or just improvise — and he’s always been terribly uncreative.

_Are you good, elf?_ , Logan signs.

He leans back and takes a good look at his friend. Kurt’s eyelids are heavy, his gills completely open, and his mouth is just slightly open. 

For the first time ever, Logan can’t read the look on his face, and it alarms him.

When he gently touches the other’s face to check for his temperature, the markings around the places he touches start glowing again, the colors changing. As always, the sight nearly takes his breath away, and he feels his mood change from concerned to… relaxed. _Soft,_ almost, but the word is nothing like him so he pushes the thought away.

He lets his touch linger. The way Kurt is looking at him, his face bright yet dark at the same time, it’s either a fever or _something else_ , and Logan… 

It’s too hot in this small bathroom. He’s not sure if the water dripping down from Kurt is sweat or just the water from the tub, and he doesn’t know if the water dripping down his own face is sweat or just the water from the tub. If he doesn’t fix the water’s temperature soon, though, Kurt might… he might…

With his other hand, he reaches for Kurt’s shoulders. The markings there, too, sparkle when he touches them, and without thinking he reaches out and runs his fingers through the other’s chest. 

He does his best to be gentle, but Kurt still shivers, oversensitive, and makes a small noise — almost like a purr. The blue man’s eyes flutter close, but a second later they open again and he reaches out with a hand.

Logan tenses, but he lets Kurt’s hand travel to his neck. He feels beads of water rush from the elf’s touch to his skin, but it’s not unpleasant.

It shouldn’t surprise him that the other reaches out for the exact spot where his scars had faded, so long ago, but it does. It also surprises him how he leans into the touch, letting his own eyes flutter close, too, and he’s never been this _vulnerable_ with someone else. He’s never let anyone else see him like this — hell, he doesn’t think he’s ever let _himself_ see him like this.

He enjoys Kurt’s touch a little too much, and the feeling is mutual, it seems. As he lets his arm drop onto the water, he feels it… touch _something_. Something on Kurt’s lap, something that wasn’t there before. 

His _dick_.

For all the time Logan spends thinking about sex, he didn’t think Kurt, of all people… he didn’t know how it’d work, because he swore there was nothing there at all, how was he supposed to know, but there it is, and he… 

When the other’s hand starts traveling down to his chest, it’s like something inside him awakens — and it’s too much, all at once. He feels his lungs inundate, feels the water flood the bathroom and the entire world, too.

He opens his eyes and gets up, abruptly.

Pretending not to notice the other’s stare, he quickly makes his way out of the bathroom, closing the door and leaning on it. 

His knees are weak, his entire body frozen, and it’s like he’s a hormonal teenage boy all over again.

Logically, he knows he has to go in there again to pour the salt and to change the water, but for now, he lets his mind linger on the thought — on the _possibility_.

The next day, he goes to work but lets Kurt stay in Charles’ bathtub this time, if only for both to keep the other company. Ever since the whole Erik fiasco, Charles has been wallowing in his own apartment and Logan can hear the old man talking to himself through the thin walls — though, of course, Charles insists he’s fine.

“Erik called me last night,” Charles tells Logan that morning. “He says that he’s sorry, and that he promises he’ll leave the topic alone for now.”

Logan wants to scoff, but he knows it’ll hurt the other if he does, so he just shrugs.

_Whatever you think is best_ , he signs. _I’d be a little more careful with him from now on_.

Charles nods. “I know, I know… I’ll be sure to have a proper talk with him.”

Logan leaves, then, and at work that day, Raven approaches him when he’s in the middle of a bathroom break. He doesn’t give away that he’s startled and is about to curse her out when she suddenly expresses her concern for Kurt, asking how he is and if he’s alright.

_He’s fine_ , he signs. The doctor is still learning ASL, so he sticks to basic signs for now. _Thank you._

She nods, shoulders sagging in relief. “Good. When are you planning on releasing him?”

_In eight days_. He raises an eyebrow. _Why?_

He wants to elaborate on his question: Why did she help them? Why does she care so much about Kurt? What does she have to _gain_ from all of this? However, he knows she would just confuse herself trying to understand all the signs, so he keeps it simple.

“I don’t plan on taking him, if that’s what you’re worried about.” She sighs and runs a hand through her short red hair. “I don’t wanna know where you keep him, or what you’re doing with him… it’s enough to know that he’s alright.”

‘Oh, he’s _more_ than alright,’ he thinks, but keeps it to himself.

“Senator Kelly and Trask bought my cover,” she says, tense. “The three men already had a criminal record — mostly bar fights, but some instances of harassment and racial violence, too. It was easy to get their case through, no trial needed. All the evidence was already against them.”

Logan nods. He feels much better about the whole thing knowing the kind of assholes those men really were, and he’s sure they’re getting what they deserve.

Sometimes, though, he wishes he weren’t so good at reading people. It only takes him one look at the redhead for him to notice her discomfort, and it doesn’t take a genius to put two and two together and realize those men probably did _something else_ , too. Dr. Darkholme is a pretty lady in an environment filled with disgusting men, and from the little Logan interacted with those men, he can tell they were exactly the type to make certain _comments_ about her.

“Well. If you need anything.” She takes out a small card from her lab coat and gives it to him before turning to the door. “You must release him soon, Logan.”

Logan nods, mood much more somber now. _I know_.

When he returns home that night, he eavesdrops on a one-sided conversation Charles has with Kurt — thank the walls for being so thin.

“ — ever meet someone like yourself?” Charles is asking. “Do you even know _what_ you are? ‘Cause I don’t — what _I_ am, I mean, much less you.” He sighs. “I look in the mirror every day and all I recognize are my eyes, in this _old man’_ s face. In this old man’s _body_. In this old, fragile, _paralyzed_ body.”

Logan stops just outside his door. He had no idea his friend felt like this, and he kind of feels like he’s intruding, but does nothing to stop eavesdropping on the other’s conversation.

“I sometimes feel like I was born both too early and too late, for the person I am.” Charles laughs self-deprecatingly. “Maybe we’re _both_ relics. How about that, huh?”

Logan waits a few more minutes, until he’s sure the old man won’t start talking again, and then makes his presence known.

He takes Kurt and thanks Charles for keeping him company, and the old man invites him for dinner. Logan doesn’t have the heart to refuse him, not after what he heard, so the three of them spend the night eating the Xavier homemade lasagna while watching silent movies on the old man’s shitty TV. Logan translates the words on the screen into ASL, which makes Kurt watch him more than the screen, but he’s not gonna complain.

After exactly 40 minutes, Kurt starts needing water, but he looks reluctant to leave the movie they’re watching. Logan only convinces him to go back home — and since when did he start thinking of his shitty apartment as their _home_? — by promising they’ll come back the next day and finish the movie with Charles.

Before they leave, Charles stops Logan with a smile.

_I am proud of you_ , the old man signs. _I really am. I am glad you’re becoming someone I could not be, in my youth._

The sudden confession startles Logan, but he quickly recovers. _You’re still young, old man. Your soul… it’s young, fresh_.

Charles scoffs like he doesn’t believe him — and maybe he truly doesn’t —, but the old man still smiles at him and bids them both good night.

Everything goes to shit two days later.

Logan leaves Kurt with Charles again, but the old man says Erik will be visiting him for dinner, so the janitor makes sure to ask to leave early — at around 5 pm, just to give himself enough time to get back home and to bring Kurt back. Though the sea-person is almost completely healed from his wounds from four days ago, Logan still helps him walk from one apartment to the other — if only as an excuse to touch him more. What can he say, Kurt’s skin is fuzzy and silky both at the same time, and he can’t get enough of it.

That day, everything starts off right: he talks to Ororo and she helps him talk to Trask, convincing him to let them _both_ go early. He even makes it back to the apartment before Erik ever gets there, but when he gets to his doorstep it’s to find Charles away from his wheelchair, on the ground, his arm _bleeding_.

He immediately runs towards his friend, checking him over for any injuries besides the obvious. The wound isn’t too deep, it just looks like a few intense cat scratches — almost startlingly similar to the ones on Logan’s neck, when he was found 11 years ago.

“I’m alright, Logan,” the man says, as Logan carries him back to his chair. “I’d be more worried about Kurt, if I were you. He was terrified, because I startled him— I should have known better, really. He comes from the wild, and I can’t expect anything else from him, but then he ran off…”

Logan sends him a questioning look, which Charles understands immediately.

“I’ll be fine.” The old man tries for a smile. “Go find him.”

And so Logan does. He runs down the stairs of their shitty apartment, and the first place he thinks Kurt might have run off to is the canal.

But the idea is quickly erased from his mind. If Kurt — blue, furry, _amphibian man_ Kurt — had been running in the middle of the streets towards a canal, Logan is sure the streets wouldn’t be as silent as they are now. People would be shouting and running, and he’d know exactly where to find Kurt.

So he heads over to the cinema under their apartment, and, true enough, Kurt is there.

The blue man is sitting in one of the seats, the cinema completely empty, watching a silent movie by himself. Logan doubts the other can read the subtitles, but Kurt still looks completely enchanted by the changing images on the screen: when the person on screen laughs, Kurt’s eyes smile; when the character screams, Kurt cowers into himself and shuts his eyes.

He’s careful in approaching the other. Somehow, his mind goes back to what Charles said when he first saw Kurt, about him being _beautiful_.

Sitting down, covered in _Charles’s_ blood, and watching two characters kiss on screen, Kurt is beautiful. He’s so intelligent — being able to speak ASL fluently, in only a month, is no easy feat —, and yet, at the same time, it’s like nothing else matters as he watches the screen with a child-like fascination. Charles, Trask, even Logan… none of them exist anymore, because all he sees is the screen and all he lives is the world inside the movie.

Logan knows, at that moment, that Kurt is the one person in this entire world who could never pretend to be someone he’s not — the only person in this entire world who could never lie, not to others and not to himself. After all, how could he? He’s blue and he’s killed people and he’s hurt friends, but he is as he is, in the end.

He’s seen Kurt at his worst and at his best, and he can say wholeheartedly that the blue man is, indeed, beautiful. When he swims in the water and his eyes light up in glee and freedom, and when he’s listening to a good instrumental and his body literally glows with his joy and his eyes are wide and looking at Logan. When he’s touching Logan’s face with those three fingers that are, in the best way possible, both gentle and rough, and when he’s touching Logan’s hands or neck or chest or hair. When he’s focused on learning a new, particularly hard, sign, and when he’s carelessly signing something simple — and _especially_ when he’s signing Logan’s name. He does it with so much care and no one does it better than him.

Kurt is beautiful when he’s looking at Logan.

Like he is now.

Those bright yellow eyes see him and they _smile_.

_Come_ , Kurt signs, making space for Logan in his own seat despite the dozens of empty seats around them.

Logan takes his hands in his and interlaces their fingers, not caring about the uncomfortable position. He also cares little for the movie that’s showing on the screen, and from the looks of it, Kurt is starting to share his sentiment, as he stands up and approaches him.

The two of them are silent, only looking into each other’s eyes as one takes a step forward, and the other takes the other step forward, and they meet each other halfway.

They’re close — closer than they’ve ever been.

Logan closes his eyes and thinks, _So this is what it feels like_.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm sorry to all those who watched Logan (2017). If it makes you feel any better, I cried while writing this chapter, too.


	6. fills my eyes

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> We learn more about Erik, and Senator Kelly makes an appearance... Also: the iconic bathroom scene.

When they return to their apartment, Erik is there tending to Charles’ wounds.

Both men startle when they hear Kurt and Logan coming, and Logan  _ really _ hopes he cleaned up nicely. He’d hate for Charles to take one look at the two of them and know exactly what happened; it’d be embarrassing not only for Logan and Kurt, but for Charles, too.

Though he’s made sure to erase all…  _ evidence _ of their encounter, his mind is still coming back to itself. He can’t believe it happened — and in a cinema, of all fucking places. He’s no stranger to weird kinky sex, but he’s never been an exhibitionist, and he never thought Kurt would be one, too… yet here they are.

Before anyone can say anything, Kurt is there next to Charles, suddenly. The blue man lays the palm of his hand on top of the man’s bald head and stands there for a few seconds.

Charles turns red in embarrassment. “Kurt, whatever you’re doing, I really don’t think—”

And then the wound in his arm starts healing itself, like Logan’s wounds usually do. It looks almost magical — something he never thought when it was  _ him _ on the receiving end of the wounds closing in on themselves —, and all four men stare wide-eyed at the sight.

“What—” Charles stutters. “How…?”

After a second, his wide eyes turn to Logan, and they must find something in there. Logan prides himself on being a closed book, but as he’s said before, it’s almost like Charles can read his mind, because the old man’s eyes widen almost impossibly.

“You—  _ Logan _ !” He moves away from Kurt, moving his head away from the other’s hand as kindly as he can. “That’s— I am not one to judge, of course, but he— he was touching my  _ bald head _ , for god’s sake! You should have said something!”

The old man sounds so scandalized that Logan almost feels bad for poor Kurt, who’s looking worried that he might have done something wrong. 

At the moment, though, all he can do is laugh. Nobody else is laughing with him — Kurt looks concerned, Erik is confused, and Charles is just plain scandalized —, but it doesn’t matter. He honestly can’t think of something funnier than this moment.

_ Come on _ , he signs, to Kurt, and pulls him in closer with an arm around the other’s shoulders.  _ Let’s leave these two old geezers to their date. _

Kurt just looks even more confused. Logan’s never taught him some of the signs he used in that phrase.

Nonetheless, the two make their way back to their apartment, and Logan makes sure to give them both a nice bath. He puts on one of Kurt’s favorite records — Glenn Miller’s ‘I Know Why (And So Do You)’ — and scrubs him, not holding himself back from exploring even more of the other’s body.

It pleases him when Kurt can’t hold himself back from laughing — or, at least, Logan hopes it’s a laugh. 

Whatever it is, though, he loves the sound of it, because it means Kurt is having fun and that he’s happy.

Logan is happy, too.

That night, unfortunately, he can’t sleep — not for lack of trying, of course.

The walls in their shitty building are too damn thin, and he can hear every word of Charles and Erik’s fight — yes, another one. This time, unfortunately, the fight is still about the same topic: Kurt.

“I am arguing solely for societal purposes, Charles,” Erik is saying. “Kurt is fascinating, he’s beautiful, and with his abilities, think of what humanity could achieve!”

Logan’s anger boils in his stomach when he hears the man calling Kurt  _ beautiful _ . It’s clear that he doesn’t mean it in the same way Charles and Logan do — it’s clear he sees Kurt as a thing, and not as a being.

“I know what it’s like to be experimented on — you know that I do, and you know that I am 100% against it.” Erik’s tone is pleading. “What I’m saying is not for science to tear him apart and explore his insides, of course not! I just want to learn more about him — about his people, about what they can do and how they work —, and maybe, with that knowledge, just  _ maybe _ we could progress as a society—”

“That is the thing, Erik,” Charles says. “You don’t know that those so-called ‘progressivists’ at Magneto Enterprises won’t harm him. You can’t possibly know that. You can’t guarantee his safety, not 100%, and that is something I cannot afford to risk.”

“I—” Erik huffs. “Charles, please. I  _ trust _ them, is that not enough?”

“Not on this matter, I’m afraid.” The old man sighs, in that way that Logan knows is his way of wanting to end the conversation but not wanting to seem rude. “And besides, we both know Logan would never allow you to lay one finger on Kurt.”

The other scoffs. “You reprimand me for thinking of Kurt as property — which, by the way, I have never once expressed —, and yet you talk about him as if he were Logan’s  _ pet _ .” Logan hears shuffling in the other apartment. “Logan is a man, Charles, and not a very good one at that. He has no power to end our close-minded society’s mentality of ‘us’ vs. ‘them’. He has no power to destroy the oppressive bases of society that have ruled us for too long.” The man takes a breath. “If Kurt… if he could somehow help us, show humanity that he is just as much a person as the rest of us—”

“Kurt is a  _ man _ , like me, like you, like Logan.” Logan’s never heard his friend’s voice sound so angry before. “You say Logan cannot end bigotry, not by himself, yet you do not apply the same standard to Kurt. He is…  _ special _ , certainly, but he alone will not end centuries of oppression and harassment, my friend.”

Erik growls. “Would you not even  _ try _ , Charles? Would you just give up, without even trying, when there is a clear possibility right in front of you?”

Charles hesitates. When he speaks next, his voice is softer and quieter, but Logan is still able to hear him.

“I do not appreciate your tone, Erik. I  _ especially _ do not appreciate what you are insinuating about my character.”

“I’m sorry, Charles,” Erik says, not sounding very sorry at all. “But I cannot stand idly by while people like us are still so discriminated against.”

For a moment, he sounds like he’s done, and Logan thanks the heavens for it.

But then, right before the man leaves, he says, “Unlike you, Charles, I am no  _ coward _ .”

Logan thinks about going over to his friend’s apartment, to comfort him, but this time he hears no silent crying. This time, there are no choked up tears of frustration, nor any strangled grunts, like all previous times the man has had his heart broken.

Instead, all Logan hears is silence.

He sees Charles the next morning, and is surprised to find that his hair is starting to slowly grow back.

A  _ miracle _ , the old man calls it, but they both know what caused it.

When he goes to work, Ororo takes one look at Logan and that’s all she needs to realize something happened. The man honestly doesn’t know how his two friends know him so well, but he wishes he did so he could at least try to hide it better.

“So are you gonna tell me what happened?” She asks, only mildly concerned. “From the look on your face, I’d say either you got some last night, or you had a particularly  _ nice _ evening dinner with Charles… but I don’t think—”

He smirks.  _ Both _ .

Ororo’s eyes widen. “What—  _ Wait _ .” 

She blinks a few times, and the smirk on his face only widens. It takes a lot to render the woman speechless, and he’s delighted that he gets to see the shocked look on her face.

“How?” She shakes her head. “ _ Why _ ?”

_ What are you asking me? _ , he asks.  _ You gotta be more specific than that. _

She smacks his arm. “You  _ know _ what I mean — but first, I mean, how did…? Does Kurt have a…?”

His smirk widens, and he makes an obscene gesture indicating  _ exactly _ how Kurt’s anatomy functions.

“Oh  _ gods _ .” She snorts out a choked-out laugh. “That’s— oh, wow, I did  _ not _ need to know that. But, I mean, that’s great, for both of you. I don’t… I’m happy for you.”

He smiles.  _ Thanks, bub _ .

‘Bub’ was a word he invented himself, and he’d had to spell it out the first few times he used it with Ororo and Charles in order for them to understand it’s just a nickname.

“And Charles?”

_ His new guy _ , he signs.  _ They fought _ .

The two of them make their way out the locker room and start walking through the hallway, pretending they’re heading over to work.

“Oh yeah, you told me about him.” Her smile drops. “What happened? Is Charles—”

_ He’s fine, surprisingly. I thought he’d be more heartbroken, he was really into the guy, but there was no crying or anything. _ Logan shrugs.  _ The fight was about Kurt. The guy wants to hand him over to M.E., but Charles didn’t want to _ .

Ororo frowns and lowers her voice. “Why would he want to hand him over? Doesn’t he know what the poor guy’s been through, y’know,  _ here _ ?”

_ Hell if I know. The guy’s an asshole, through and through.  _ He rolls his eyes.  _ He said something about helping humanity, but it’s all just bullshit to me. _

The two of them pass by Trask’s office, and he catches sight of Raven and Senator Kelly inside. The latter is a hideous person, both inside and out, and he’s just another name on Logan’s endless shit list. He doesn’t know how Raven can stand being in the same room as them… but from the way her shoulders are tense, he realizes that she, in fact,  _ can’t _ .

“The others are saying Kelly’s about to fire Trask,” Ororo whispers. “I heard that, if Trask doesn’t find poor Kurt within a week, he’ll be gone for good. Good riddance, I say.”

Logan nods. If Kelly fires Trask and removes Trask Industries from the facility, it won’t be long before T.I. is going bankrupt and Trask finds himself with no other job. That’s just how it is, in their current democracy: either you work with the government, or you don’t work at all.

He can’t even pretend he’s not extremely pleased at the idea of Trask having his life ruined — all because of a mute Asian man, a  _ female _ doctor, a paraplegic elderly gay man, a black woman, and a blue sea-man. In other words, the kinds of people Senator Kelly most hates.

Just as they’re about to turn the corner on the hallway, however, the door to Trask’s office opens. Raven leaves the room in a rush, heading the opposite way as Logan, and from the looks of it, she doesn’t even see the two janitors.

“Logan!” Trask’s voice rings out in the hallway, and he can’t even pretend he didn’t hear him. “Mrs. Munroe! Come here for a sec.”

The two share a look before following. Logan can’t say he’s up for staring at Kelly’s ugly mug, not even for a few seconds, but a man’s gotta do what a man’s gotta do.

They once again sit on the same two seats as before, Kelly and Trask standing beside them like vultures.

“Oh, relax, will ya?” Kelly says, rolling his eyes at their nervousness. “We just wanna ask ya a few questions.”

Logan resists the urge to sign, knowing full well they won’t understand him.

“Are the two of you close to Ms. Darkholme?”

Ororo clears her throat. “We are not close to  _ Dr _ . Darkholme.”

“But y’all are real close with the asset, ain’t ya?” Kelly watches them with sharp eyes. “I heard from the other janitors that y’all would often sneak into Room 616, teach that  _ devil _ some o’ that hand language y’all use… is that right?”

Logan glares at him, but Ororo answers before he can give him the finger.

“Yes, we  _ were _ close to the asset.” She looks down. “I can only pray that, wherever he is now, he’s  _ safe _ .”

The Senator hums. “It’s funny ya say that… See, we had a talk with our partners in W+, and they claim the devil never made it to their possession. They admitted to tryin’ to steal him, o’ course — there’s no denying  _ that _ , surely —, but they said the devil must have escaped from their truck or something. Y’all wouldn’t happen to know anything ‘bout that, would ya?”

Logan internally relaxes. From the way things are looking, Kelly and Trask are as clueless as can be, thinking W+ really did try to steal Kurt. If their main lead is to start looking into trucks that left the facility on that day, they won’t find a thing on either Logan or Ororo.

“No, sir.”

Kelly elbows Logan’s shoulder. “This one — don’t he talk?”

Logan growls up at him.  _ I talk plenty, you shit-eating— _

“He’s mute, sir.” Ororo pretends to be translating for him. “That’s why we communicate using ASL — American Sign Langua—”

“I know what ASL means,  _ miss _ .” Kelly raises an eyebrow at her, and Logan wants to point out that the man had just called it a ‘hand language’, seconds before. “Anyways, we just wanted to make sure the two o’ ya were kept up to date on the situation with the creature. It is a highly dangerous situation, see — need I remind you of the poor men whose lives were taken by that monster, of the man who lost his good arm —, so it must be found immediately. We know how much you both care for the safety of our workers.”

Logan can’t help it — he scoffs.

“Is something the matter?” Kelly looks at Trask, as if the scientist is responsible for his workers’ attitudes. “What’s his deal?”

Trask shakes his head. “He’s a feisty one, Senator. I think, because he can’t speak, he puts up this front of being a manly man… well, as manly of a man as a  _ Chinaman _ can be, anyway.”

He laughs at his own joke, but the Senator seems too distracted watching Logan glare at him to notice.

The man narrows his eyes. “There’s somethin’ ‘bout him, Trask… You keep an eye on ‘im, yeah? On  _ her _ , too — you know how her people are.” He turns back to the scientist, and then laughs mean-heartedly. “Course, I don’t mean  _ you _ specifically. I doubt you can even see  _ anything _ from that height, eh?”

Trask must sense Logan’s about a millisecond away from snapping, because he fakes an awkward laugh and taps the palm of his hand on his own desk.

“Yeah, you know how it is…” Trask says, pointedly avoiding Logan’s glare. “But anyways, Senator, we should let these two go back to their jobs. It’ll lead nowhere if we keep interviewing the— the shit cleaners, the piss wipers.”

Kelly sighs and nods. “You’re right. What do  _ they _ know, anyway?”

Ororo stands up, gracefully, but Logan loudly scrapes his chair on the floor and makes sure to make as much noise as possible. 

He stands up violently, delighting at the fright in both men’s faces, and signs, carefully,  _ F-U-C-K Y-O-U _ .

“What did he say?” Kelly asks Ororo, then turns to Logan with angry eyes. “What are you saying? What did he say?”

“I didn’t catch it,” Ororo says, already leaving the room.

Logan signs it again:  _ fuck you _ , letter by letter.

The two janitors leave the room.

That night, when he comes home to Kurt gently washing himself in the bathtub, he replays Kelly and Trask’s words in his mind — how they’d called him the  _ blue devil _ , talked of all the  _ atrocities _ he’d committed, as if humans weren’t committing the same deeds, sometimes even worse. Whoever was it that decided that ‘human’ was a synonym for ‘good’, anyway? Logan just wants a word with them.

Now that he knows Kurt, he can say with certainty that the blue man has never killed without reason. All those ‘good men’ he killed in the Baltic Sea — they were taking him from his home, not knowing anything about him.  _ They _ were the parasites, the monsters, not him.

Logan can’t say for certain, but he feels like he’s done much worse, for much less. His life before 35 is all a blur, but he gets enough nightmares to know he’s not a good person. It’s as fucking Erik said: he’s a man, but not a very good one. How can someone like him, a  _ human _ , compare to someone like Kurt, when only one of them has ever truly committed unspeakable acts? How do Trask, Kelly, and all those other bigots want to claim they’re so much better than Kurt, when they do the things they do and are the way that they are?

_ Logan _ , Kurt signs, his eyes bright as he notices the man standing there.

_ Let’s go, elf _ . Logan helps the other up, leaving the bathtub.  _ Time to refill your water _ .

Kurt doesn’t leave the bathroom, and the two of them watch as the dirty water slowly drains. Having the blue man there next to him is comforting, but today he’s angry and he’s had a shit day and he just wants to… he wants to—

Logan touches the other’s back, softly, just to get his attention.  _ Do you miss swimming? _

Kurt’s eyes widen.  _ Swim. Yes. _

The man nods and gets an idea in his head. If he can somehow… He doesn’t give a shit about his apartment, not now, and he certainly doesn’t give a shit about the fucking cinema downstairs. He doesn’t want Charles to notice, but he doubts the water will go that far…

The water in the tub hasn’t drained completely, so as Kurt stands there he gets some towels and seals the holes under, above, and beside the bathroom door. He then turns on the sink up to maximum effect, and by that point the tub is already dry, so he sticks the drain stopper into the hole and turns on the water there, too.

_ Logan _ , Kurt signs, his head tilted in confusion.  _ What? _

_ Don’t worry, elf _ . He starts taking off his clothes and suddenly Kurt is very much  _ not _ opposed to whatever is happening.

He takes both of Kurt’s hands in his own and relishes in the touch. 

Fuck Trask. Fuck Senator Kelly.

What he has with Kurt — whatever earth-shattering, world-ending blessing they share together — is worth more than what they were given. They deserve more time, more freedom, more  _ justice _ .

Before he knows it, the entire bathroom is flooded, inundated with water. He takes one last breath and plunges in.

Here, Kurt is in his  _ element _ . His markings are more beautiful underwater, where the light hits him just right, and they light up almost rhythmically, following a silent song.

With one hand in Logan’s, the blue man drags them all over the tiny bathroom, swimming and looking more at peace than the man has ever seen him. At the point where their bodies connect, through their fingers, Logan can feel Kurt’s heartbeat and it’s almost melodic. 

And then he realizes he isn’t feeling the other’s heartbeat through their fingers, but rather through the  _ water _ . The entire water, like an extension of Kurt’s body, is pumping with the flow of blood inside the man, and it’s all the music they need.

Logan barely notices it when, rather than pruning, his fingers start webbing instead, the spaces between his fingers connecting with Kurt’s and sticking to each other.

At a certain point, the two embrace and never let go.


	7. with Your love

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is from the POV of Charles, Raven, and Ororo

Charles awakens in the middle of the night to someone loudly knocking on his door.

“Coming!” He shouts, because it sounds urgent but he  _ physically _ can’t get up any faster than this. “Please wait a second!”

It turns out to be the landlord, complaining about water that’s getting into the cinema and flooding the whole place. He tells Charles to look into it, saying it must be the pipes, paying no mind to the fact that the old man is elderly and in a wheelchair.

“Logan isn’t answering his door,” the landlord says, unsympathetic. “It’s probably coming from his apartment, though.”

Just like that, the man leaves, and Charles quickly gets the spare keys he has reserved for his friend’s apartment. Once he opens the door, nothing is too out of the ordinary until he gets to the bathroom. 

The door is entirely closed, water spilling from inside it.

“Oh, God…” Charles quickly makes his way there and knocks on the door. “Logan? Kurt? What’s—”

The door opens and water fills Charles’ lungs for a brief second. He shakes it all off, spitting some out, and when he opens his eyes and rubs the water off them he almost wishes he was blind as well as paralyzed.

Logan is standing there, in all his naked glory, holding Kurt in a deep embrace. Their height difference, with the blue man being much taller and skinnier, makes for an awkward standing and hugging position, but overall both look alright.

Once the initial shock is done, and Logan covers his private parts with his hand, Charles starts laughing. The two join him soon after.

Done having their fun, the three men then clean themselves up. Charles heads over to his own apartment, getting them all clean and dry towels, and he changes out of his wet clothes. 

People always ask him how he manages to live by himself, being the way he is — how he changes clothes, how he cooks and cleans and showers —, and he always answers that he does everything the same way everyone else does them. It’s none of their business how he lives his life.

Logan puts on a record of some instrumental song, and both he and Kurt sway their bodies to the melody as they clean. Charles, for a moment, can only watch the way the two function together: Kurt, by himself, moves so differently from a typical person, and it’s so very fascinating; Logan, meanwhile, is so utterly  _ human _ that it scares Charles sometimes.

Kurt carries himself like a true creature of the wild, like he knows exactly what he wants and when he wants it and how he wants it. He adapts quickly to his environment, but his lack of exposure to social norms makes him extremely easy to read, for Charles and probably for Logan, too. He makes no efforts to mask his emotions, and he’s both selfish and selfless, in that primal way of his: he acts in ways that will get him what he wants and protect himself, yet he is very much capable of caring for others, and he will very much act in ways that will protect those he cares for, as well.

Logan, as Kurt, is someone Charles could write dozens of books on, but that’s about where their similarities end. Rather than selfish or selfless, the younger man is both trusting and distrusting. No matter what opinions Logan may have on himself, Charles knows the man  _ wants _ to believe in the good of people — just look at Kurt as an example. For God’s sake, Logan cared for and rescued Kurt from his captivity, risking not only his own but Ororo’s safety and career, all for someone he’d met just a month previous. Charles himself, though not a bad person if he does say so himself, has to say he would hesitate if he were in the other’s position.

Like Logan, Charles wants to trust others, and he  _ wants _ to believe in their good hearts. However, unlike Logan, he’s been through too much heartbreak and pain in all his six decades of life to truly act on those beliefs. No matter what Logan has been through, no matter what he both does and doesn’t remember, he will always act to help those he believes in. Charles, meanwhile, lets himself be put down by his disability and uses it as an excuse in order to be just as Erik had called him: a coward.

Logan always tells him he overthinks, that he’s good at reading people and that he should have gone on to work for the FBI or something in that area, and Charles doesn’t know if he agrees. He’d pursued a degree in psychology and psychiatry in his early years, but then the accident happened and he let himself fall into this endless, rescueless pit of despair and self-pity.

Looking at Logan and Kurt now, however, gives him the urge to write, more than anything else. Lord knows how long it’s been since he last touched one of his  _ cursed _ notebooks, but it’s like the desire to write is calling to him, telling him it’s now or never. He can either write about this beautiful duo, this remarkable situation they’re in, and about love… or he can do nothing for yet another day, feeling sorry for himself and not knowing what he can do to just make the feeling stop.

Now, he knows what to do.

Now, it’s like the Lord is finally calling out to him, for the first time in his entire lonely life, and They are telling him:  _ write _ . Write and you will find refuge.

And then, just like that, the moment is gone.

Logan is trying to catch Charles’s attention, waving his hand in the air with a questioning look in his face.

_ Are you okay? _ , the younger signs.

Charles blinks. “Yes, I—”

He realizes it’s raining, and closes his mouth. 

When did it start raining? Is he truly losing his mind, succumbing to his old age?

It can’t be, but he doesn’t…

Kurt isn’t looking at him. Instead, the blue man is staring out the window, at the rain — almost longingly.

When Charles reaches out to touch the other’s shoulder, he startles when an amount of blue fur falls to the ground.

It feels so much like all those years ago, when he’d first started losing his hair… But he perishes the thought, and helps his friends clean their apartment.

Raven Darkholme knew her gig would be over soon after the breakout, but, if she’s being honest, she  _ will _ miss that shitty fucking place. It was old and creepy and most of the men there were complete shitheads, but the Nightcrawler was truly… he was something out of a dream.

Sometimes she’d look at the blue man, at his bioluminescent glow, at his tail, at his otherworldly way of carrying himself, and she’d swear he’d come straight out of one of her dreams. She’d dreamt him, certainly, for surely there was no way this — this  _ beauty _ , this  _ monster _ , this  _ entity _ — there was no way it was real. The Nightcrawler wasn’t real, and she’d been convinced this was the truth.

Besides the Nightcrawler, a few of the help were nice, too — namely, the guy named Logan who’d somehow seemed to have fallen in love with the Nightcrawler —, and the food wasn’t half-bad. It was nothing compared to M.E.,  _ obviously _ , but it was still miles better than W+ — not that she planned on ever stepping foot in that horrid place ever again.

She knows Trask is onto her after he catches her in a shameless lie, so she feigns a family emergency and gets the hell outta there. The family part is a lie, of course — she can’t remember the last time she had someone to call family —, but the emergency is real: the boss wants to talk to her, and what the boss wants, he gets. She’s worried it’ll be about a new job, because God knows she already has enough on her plate, but she can’t refuse him.

He doesn’t know about her little mission, of course. The man is smart, but she’s worked for him for too many years for him  _ not _ to trust her, and besides, there’s no reason why he should: as far as anyone outside T.I. knows, the name Nightcrawler means nothing.

They meet in a small coffee shop just outside the town, at night. For any casual observer, the two are new lovers on their first date — but she knows they run  _ much _ deeper than that.

“Raven,” Max says, looking much older than he did two months ago. It could just be another one of his disguises, but she doubts it. “How have you been, love?”

She smiles pleasantly. “I have to say I’m quite enjoying my break. I’ve done nothing but spy on others in restaurants and eavesdrop on their conversations. Who ever said my talents would be useless outside of M.E.?”

“Right.” He’s tense. “Here’s the deal: I want you to start Operation Mystique. You up for it, or should I call in Irene?”

Her smile drops. “You know I am. What’s the  _ Artikel _ ?”

She resists sighing… Operation Mystique: Sneak into some unsuspecting citizen’s home, steal something from them that Max wants, and sneak outta there without them ever noticing she was there. It’s one of her many specialties — along with, but not limited to, identity theft and spying —, and she’s lucky that at least it’ll be a quick mission.

“Not an it — a  _ who _ ,” the boss says. “You’ll know him when you see him, but I’m afraid I can’t tell you much more about him.”

She hums. “A ‘he’, huh?”

Usually, when Max calls her for Operation Mystique and the subject is a  _ thing _ , it means he wants her to steal it and bring it to him. When the target is a person, it means he wants her to steal the person’s identity, at least for a while.

She’s played men before, of course — she’s not an amateur —, but the fact that he doesn’t wanna tell her anything about this mysterious man is…  _ interesting _ .

“Here’s your address.” He slips her a piece of paper. “Apartment on the right, not left.”

She raises an eyebrow. “You been there before?”

It’s not uncommon for him to specify a certain apartment number for her missions, but they’re usually in the very dangerous missions, where she could get caught and killed. Call her naive, but she doesn’t think this particular mission will be too dangerous — due to the minimal number of details he’s given her —, so it can only mean one thing: this mission’s  _ personal _ .

“It is none of your business.”

“It won’t hurt you to open up, you know,” she says, knowing full well how hypocritical it is for her to say that. “Not about this, specifically, but about other things, too. ‘What have you been doing?’, ‘How’s your life been?’... That kind of shit.”

He stares at her, unrelenting. “I will be sure to keep that in mind next time I feel the urge to ‘open up’.”

“You know,” she says, not backing away from his stare, “for someone who earned himself a spot on Forbes’ ‘Top 20 Most Charismatic CEOs of America’ list last year, you sure are a hardass.”

He glares at her. “Speak any louder and you’ll—”

“Relax, old man.” She rolls her eyes. “You’re wearing your shitty disguise, right? Who are you now? Magnus, or Erik, or Max, or is it Michael—”

He stands up, abruptly, and leaves the coffee shop.

She enjoys the rest of her coffee alone. If Max wants to be like that, then so be it — the two of them have been through too much together for her to mind too much. Sure, he’s her boss, but she knows she’s also his closest friend, so although she comes when he calls, she’s not obligated to follow his every move.

Carefully, she sneaks a peek at the piece of paper Max gave her, but finds she recognizes the address, for some reason. It’s never happened before, and she has to think a bit before it finally sinks in just where she knows it from — whose house it is she’s supposed to break into.

Before changing her identity and going to work at Trask Industries, she’d made sure to check the addresses and documents of the most important people — the lead scientists, the businessmen, the innovators. And then, when she’d first bumped into the janitor Logan feeding the Nightcrawler, she’d also checked out  _ his _ background, just as a safety precaution.

Max wants her to break into  _ Logan’s _ apartment and steal his identity.

Raven would comment on how small the world is, but she knows better than to believe in coincidences. Whatever this is, it’s clear that Fate had some part in it.

She stands, ready to leave, but then someone is sitting down on the seat in front of her — right where Max was sitting.

“Ms. Darkholme,” Bolivar Trask says, a cruel smile on his face. “What a surprise.”

On the 18th of March, Ororo Munroe decides she’s had enough.

Coming home after a hard day at work no longer brings her the same joy it once did — in fact, to be perfectly honest, it brings her no joy at all.

T’Challa is a good man — a  _ great _ man, even —, and she will always be glad she met him. He is truly one in a billion, for not only is he a kind-hearted, well-spoken, caring man, but he also does love her, too. She knows that.

However, he is not without his faults, and one of them is that the man is much too stubborn for his own good. He travels far too much for work, and they hardly see each other anymore, so it makes sense that, during the few times a year that they  _ are _ together, she’d wish for them to spend the time wisely.

T’Challa, however, being T’Challa, is a workaholic and stubborn and he thinks he knows better than her. He tells her he will make dinner in the morning, yet when she gets home she finds he has not eaten anything the entire day, too busy with work. He tells her she is bright and smart and capable, yet does not understand why she does not quit her job as a janitor. He fights with her about her own life, telling her she should just put herself out there, that she could be the President if she truly wished…

It had all accumulated in a terrible fight, a few days ago, where Ororo had screamed at him that it was her life, and he had replied that she should value herself more, and she’d slammed the door in his face and locked him out of their house for a few hours.

Afterwards, T’Challa had refused to speak to her, and ever since then…

She’s apologized, of course she has. Sometimes —  _ oftentimes _ , in fact — she lets her emotions get the better of her, and she loses control of herself. Sometimes, life is just a lot to deal with, and she wishes it would all just go away, for a moment.

Today, however, is not unordinary — much the opposite. It’s normal, and plain, and it’s her one day off work but T’Challa does not do anything, doesn’t even  _ look _ at her—

“I do not want to be with you anymore,” she says, as they eat lunch.

To his credit, he doesn’t look surprised. “Do you wish to divorce me?”

“I do not know—” She stops.

_ Of course _ she knows. Things have been stale for so long now, what with all his trips to Wakanda and Zimbabwe and even their birthplace, Kenya… she’s not sure she even loves him anymore, which is a shame because she  _ wants _ to. More than anything, she  _ wants _ to love him and cherish him and keep him in her heart forever, but at the rate they’re going she’s sure she’ll come to hate him — and that’s the last thing she wants.

“Yes.” She meets his eyes, but neither she nor him look too sad. “I will start looking into some divorce lawyers, and I can stay at a hotel near my workplace if you wish—”

“There’s no need, I’ll be traveling next week, anyway.” He looks away. “I’ve already looked into the lawyer, too.”

She blinks. “You have?”

He hums, non-committedly, and goes back to eating his lunch.

Ororo feels her heart break against her will, and she stands up from the table.

“Excuse me,” she says.

She’s thankful that she’d left her purse at the ready from when she’d come home that morning, after taking a walk, because it means she can leave her house without having to go back for her phone or her keys.

She calls Logan without thinking much, and when he picks up, all she says is: “I’m coming over.”

At this time of the day — about 2 pm on a Tuesday —, the bus is completely empty, and she’s also thankful for that. It means she can cry quietly in her seat without getting strange looks from nosy strangers.

When she finally arrives at his place, she no longer feels thankful.

It’s started to rain, despite the radio’s claim that it was only supposed to rain on the 22nd, and she hasn’t brought an umbrella.

By the time she gets to Logan’s front door, she’s soaked from head to toe.

“Ororo!” Charles says, answering the door. “How nice to see you again.”

The two hug, and she tries to look like less of a mess in front of him. She enjoys Charles’ company, but they’re not as close as Ororo and Logan, in the sense that she wouldn’t want the old man to think she’s dirty, or unkempt, or any of those other things  _ his _ people call  _ her _ people.

“Charles,” she says, her voice rough. “I am sorry for the sudden visit.”

He waves a hand at her, shaking his head. “Oh, don’t be silly! It’s no concern at all, trust me — in fact, I’d been thinking of inviting you and Logan both for dinner soon.”

She smiles politely, and the two make their way inside Logan’s apartment. The place looks unusual, like everything’s been moved just slightly to the right of where it once was, and it bothers her more than it should.

Logan comes out from the bathroom, Kurt holding his hand right next to him. Both men look dashing, with matching smiles on their faces, but something about both is also unusual — like their smiles are faked. She sees no reason why their smiles should be fake — unless they don’t want her here? —, so it throws her off.

_ It’s raining _ , Logan signs, as an explanation.

She realizes what that means, but before she can say anything, he throws her a towel.

_ Tell me what’s wrong _ , he signs.  _ I might have some extra clothes for you in my closet. Are you planning on spending the night? _

Ororo blinks. She hadn’t entertained the thought… but perhaps it would be for the best. She’ll have to warn T’Challa of her whereabouts, of course, and at least now she doesn’t have to worry about his bad relationship with Logan.

She lays the towel carefully down onto his couch and sits down. All three men’s eyes are on her, and she quickly brushes her messy hair.

“If you wish, I can leave,” Charles offers, noticing her discomfort. “I know we are not terribly close, Ororo, but know that I consider you a dear friend.” He smiles. “I am here for you, but if my presence makes you uncomfortable, then I will gladly leave.”

The woman considers the possibility, honestly. She likes the old man enough, but telling him the tale of her divorce after months of not having spoken to him seems a bit…

“Yes, please.” She sends him a grateful look. “Thank you, Charles.”

He leaves, hugging all of them goodbye, but as he pulls away from Kurt she notices the latter’s blue fur falling to the ground at the contact. It does not take a genius to put two and two together.

That day, her heart breaks not only for her, but for Logan and Kurt, too.

It seems all four of them, Charles included, were not meant for love, in the end.


	8. It humbles my heart

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> We're almost done!! Unfortunately, I can't write action scenes BUT hopefully I can make up for it with more logurt content ;-; 
> 
> I HIGHLY recommend listening to You'll Never Know by Renée Fleming (which is where the title of the fic comes from) after Raven's part! That song is amazing and the scene in the movie where Elisa sings it to the amphibian man is... breathtaking.

Once he’s done with work, Bolivar Trask pays a visit to one of his workers.

By the time he reaches the address he was given, nighttime has already fallen. It’s raining, because of course it is, even though neither today nor yesterday were scheduled to see rain. Having spent the entire day inside the facility, he hadn’t even realized the day’s conditions until he’d stepped out to get into his car and had gotten both himself and his car all wet.

Really, he should have expected that the  _ help _ would be living in such a…  _ lackworthy _ neighborhood. He’s never even been here before, because he’s always associated this part of town with less-than-pleasant people, but if this is how low he has to stoop to get answers, this is how low he’ll stoop.

He spends a while under the rain searching for the apartment before he realizes that not only is it in a shitty neighborhood, but it’s also on top of a fucking  _ cinema _ , of all places.

He stomps his way to the front door, but is faced with two doors: one on the right, and one on the left. Neither have appropriate doormats, but the apartment on the right looks somewhat neater — and Logan is a janitor, after all —, so he knocks there, first.

An old man in a wheelchair greets him, looking just as surprised to see him as Trask does him. The hair at the top of his head surely  _ must _ be fake — he looks too old to be growing hair.

“Can I help you?” The old man asks.

“My name is Bolivar Trask — CEO of Trask Industries.” He regrets telling this man his name as soon as it leaves his mouth, and holds his bag closer to his body. “I am looking for Logan. I was told this is his address—”

“I’m afraid no one lives here by that name,” Charles says, a cold look on his face. “You could try looking at the building next to this one — I’m sure I’ve heard the name before.”

He goes shut the door, but Trask knows better than to let him go. He hasn’t gotten this far on looks alone, after all, and he can tell the old man is holding something back.

“Actually,” he says, and lays a hand out to stop the old man from shutting the door in his face. “I’m  _ sure _ this is the right place. Perhaps he used to live here, a few years back? I’m just looking for something of mine, he said he’d be here to give it back to me…”

“Like I said: no one lives here by that name.” Charles slaps his hand away from the door. “Have a good night.”

The door is shut before he can think of any more excuses.

Raven Darkholme, meanwhile, has much more luck getting into Logan’s apartment.

She comes in through the only window in the apartment, but she puts effort into not breaking it, just using her superior lock-picking abilities. Surprisingly, she finds no one inside the home — and, for some reason, this surprises her more than the fact that she’s actually planning on  _ helping _ them.

However, just because Trask had gotten his information out of her — which, if the bruises on her body go to show, took some effort on his part — doesn’t mean she’s letting him win. If he knew any better, he would have made sure she’d stayed put at that stupid warehouse he’d left her in — but thankfully the man is as short as he is naive, and hadn’t bothered to double check that there was no possible way she could get out.

She’d come here hoping to warn Logan and Kurt. As much as she likes being a heartless bitch, every once in a while she’ll meet someone worth risking it all for — someone like Irene Adler, or someone like Kurt —, and she’ll lose all parts of her she’d thought were her own.

The boss man doesn’t need to find out about her side mission. As long as she omits the part where she was actually expecting to meet Logan in his apartment to warn him of Max, she can just tell him the truth: she got in, there was no one there, she got out. Simple, factual, and most importantly,  _ true _ . Max will never suspect a thing.

She leaves through the same window she entered through and quickly makes her way down, her umbrella in hand. In her disguise, she doubts she’ll draw too much attention to herself — much less with the way this rain is coming down. If she even meets someone crazy enough to be out in the streets, she’ll be real unlucky… 

And, as it turns out, today is just not her day, because none other than Bolivar Trask is standing there in the middle of the rain. He’s glaring at her, having watched her leave Logan’s apartment through the window, and somehow she knows he recognizes her.

“So much for a  _ woman _ , huh?” He shouts, through the rain, referring to the fact that she’s currently disguised as a man. “You wanna tell me what you just told Logan?”

She rolls her eyes. “Fuck off will you, Trask?”

As she walks away, though, he follows her, and she starts thinking of many different ways to stick this umbrella up his—

“Stop right there!” She hears the unmistakable sound of a gun being cocked. “Stop and tell me exactly what you told them, or I’ll shoot.”

Well. The man’s got more balls in him than she thought.

Raven stops walking and slowly turns to him. The umbrella won’t be enough to stop a bullet from killing her if Trask aims that gun right, and it’s not like there’s anything she’s hiding.

“There wasn’t anyone there,” she says. “I told you all I know, Trask, and I had no way of contacting them — they must have gone out for a walk.”

Trask approaches her, gun still aimed at her chest, and she thinks over the odds of her surviving this. Contrary to what people may think, an armed man a few inches away from you is much better than an armed man feet away from you — or, at least according to Raven, who is a trained martial artist. The closer someone gets to her, the more chances she has of taking them out, whereas if they keep their distance she can only rely on the luck that the assailant will have shit aim.

“Don’t lie to me, Darkholme.” He wipes the water away from his face. “Where are they?”

She smiles sweetly. “If they’re any smart, they’re already miles away from here. In this rain, they likely took a road trip to the ocean — by now, your little  _ asset _ could be miles away from America.”

Her words have their desired effect, and he grunts in frustration. That’s all she needs to give him an expert kick to the arm holding the gun, and takes pleasure in hearing the bone break. The gun fires a second too late, the bullet hitting not her chest but her arm, and she huffs a laugh, both relieved and pained at the same time.

Thankfully, she’s dealt with  _ much _ worse wounds before.

“Great talk, Trask.” She steps on his broken arm and he shouts in pain, and then she takes his gun. “Not so nice when you’re the one on the ground, huh?”

“I’ll die if you leave me here, Raven!” He groans. “You’re making a mistake—”

“Maybe so.” She looks down at him with complete apathy. “But that’s  _ my _ problem, sweetheart.”

She surveys the streets, making sure there’s no one there — no witnesses.

And then she turns to walk away.

A man in a wheelchair is staring up at her, his mouth wide. He looks like he just came out from the cinema, and she curses her luck. If a movie is ending just now, she’s got to run now or she’ll be caught—

“Wait!” The man shouts, chasing after her. “Wait! I’m not gonna— I know  _ Kurt _ !”

She pauses and quickly turns around to face him again. “Kurt?”

“Yes,” he says, slowly approaching her, leaving one of his arms in the air and using the other to spin the wheels of his wheelchair. “I know where they went. I— Trask visited me, before, but I turned him away, and then I followed him down here and I heard the gunshot and— are you alright?”

She ignores him. “Who are you?”

“My name is Charles Xavier.” He reaches a hand out. “It is nice to meet you, Mr…?”

Taken aback, she takes a while to realize she’s still in her disguise, and hesitantly shakes his hand. “Darkholme.”

“Mr. Darkholme.” The name doesn’t sound as weird as she thought it would sound. “I can take you to them, if you’d like.”

She narrows her eyes. “Why are you trusting me?”

“I am not.” He smiles. “I know someone on the inside helped Logan get Kurt out, but when I asked, he refused to tell me who. Frankly, though, I think that anyone who can fight an armed man that well and end up on top is someone capable of breaking Kurt out from T.I.”

She hesitates once again. Honestly, she knows he’s telling the truth… she just doesn’t know if she can  _ trust _ him.

It’s not like she has any other choice, though.

“Alright,” she says. “Take me to them.”

Kurt doesn’t know.

He knows something’s wrong, because he’s smart like that, and he knows that, specifically, something’s wrong with  _ himself _ . He knows he misses the ocean, he misses the water and he misses freedom… 

But he  _ can’t _ know that Logan isn’t coming with him. He  _ can’t _ know that they’ll never see each other again, after today.

The blue man will never know… he’ll  _ never _ know just what he means to Logan. He’ll never know just how much Logan will miss him, or just how much he cares about him. In a few years, Kurt will probably have forgotten all about him, while Logan will remain in the same place, with the same feelings, stuck at a point in time where he was finally  _ happy _ .

Kurt doesn’t know  _ what to do _ . 

He knows he loves Logan, and he knows Logan loves him, and he knows that that’s all there is. And, if  _ he _ knows, then Logan must know, too…

Except, sometimes, Kurt thinks the other  _ doesn’t _ know. Sometimes, he looks at Logan and the man is far from him, and all he can do is sign his name, over and over again, just to make him come back to him.  _ Logan, Logan, Logan _ … it’s one of the only things that work, one of the only things Kurt can do to make him  _ see _ .

Sometimes, not even  _ that _ is enough.

Kurt is going away, and he’s taking Logan’s heart with him.

The breaking point, for Logan, was watching Kurt refuse to eat.

He’d noticed the whole ‘losing fur’ thing — of course he had. He pays more attention to Kurt than to anything or anyone else, including himself, and the minute he’d first felt a touch of fur come off the other’s body, he’d known what had to happen.

But then, this morning, Kurt hadn’t eaten the leftover meat from the night before, and when Logan had asked him about it the other had been strangely quiet. He doesn’t think Kurt was ignoring him, per se, just that his mind was elsewhere — somewhere far,  _ far _ from here.

At the very least, it helps that it’s raining. That means they don’t need to wait until the 22nd. And it also helps that Ororo is here with him, having arrived in the afternoon after announcing her divorce. He knows she’s not in a good state of mind right now herself, but he appreciates her being here, now more than ever.

They leave the apartment shortly after 9 pm, after having their last dinner together, all four of them. Since it’s a rainy Tuesday night, they don’t have to worry about people seeing them — seeing  _ Kurt _ —, and Logan has plenty of effort to waste trying to keep his emotions in check.

Kurt is weak, and at some point Logan just has to carry him all the way to the docks. It delays their journey by some five minutes or so, and Logan is selfish so he relishes in this extra time. He’s selfish, so he draws circles on top of Kurt’s skin and traces the markings all over his body as much as he can, so he can never forget what the other feels like.

By the time they reach their destination, Logan doesn’t want to let go.

“Oh,  _ darling _ ,” Ororo says, rubbing his back. “It hurts, but that’s what makes us strong.”

He feels the exact  _ opposite _ of strong at the moment, but he doesn’t feel like answering her. He focuses instead on putting Kurt carefully down at the edge of the docks, where land meets water.

In this weather, the canal looks very much  _ un _ inviting: its waters are murky, cold, and, not to mention, they’re running very quickly down to the unknown arms of the ocean. If any human were to fall in there now, it would mean certain death.

But, of course, Kurt isn’t human.

As has come to light recently, however: neither is Logan.

Ororo moves first, going in to hug Kurt. She cares deeply for him, despite her initial unease, and if they’d had more time she could have grown to love him, as she loves Logan.

She smiles goodbye and steps away, letting Logan and Kurt have their privacy.

Kurt knows what has to happen now.

_ Logan _ , he signs. 

At the same time, he lets out a small, pleading sound that breaks Logan’s heart. The man looks down, and Kurt takes one step forward.

_ No _ , Logan says, shaking his head and stepping back.  _ Go _ .

At night, the raindrops falling over Kurt’s face look like tears.

_ Together _ . Kurt takes another step towards him.  _ You. Me _ .

_ Without me _ , Logan signs, and he’s afraid that if he tries to drag the other back towards the edge, he’ll fall in too — and the truth is that he’s more scared of having to let go of Kurt than of the fall itself.

_ Without me _ , he signs again, when Kurt refuses to move. 

The blue man looks back at the murky water, and then at Logan. He’s caught between freedom and him.

Logan tries to make it easier for him and turns his back on Kurt.

As he does, however, he catches sight of two figures running towards them. The closer they get, the more he recognizes them as Charles and Raven Darkholme, the latter wearing a strange blonde wig and a long trench coat. It’s most likely a disguise, but he doesn’t know for  _ what _ .

He notices she’s bleeding at the same time that Kurt does, but the latter reacts much quicker. All he can do is watch as the blue man rushes to her aid, reaching out with his hands to heal the wound in her arm — and, for a second, Logan selfishly wishes it were him the other was touching,  _ healing _ . He’d take a thousand wounds to the arm if it meant Kurt could touch him, freely, like that.

And then he catches himself, just in time to notice the third figure approaching them — a much shorter, more sinister, figure.

Logan runs towards where Raven and Charles and Kurt are standing, but Trask reaches them quicker. The man takes advantage of their distraction and takes something from the pocket of Raven’s coat — a  _ gun _ .

Logan wants to scream, but all that comes out is a painful hiss.

Trask shoots Kurt first, not just once but twice, and then he shoots Logan, when the latter tries to launch himself at him.

Logan’s quick healing kicks in, and he’s never been more thankful for whatever Deity out there gave him his healing gifts. He successfully lands on top of Trask, and when he coughs up blood he makes sure to aim it at the man’s eye.

And then, with a single clench of his fists, three bony claws protrude from the back of both his hands.

‘That’s new’, he thinks.

“Fuck,” Trask says, eyes wide. “ _ You’re _ the devil here, aren’t you?”

Calmly — as calmly as he ever thought he could do anything —, he slices the man’s throat. He watches as the scientist falls to the ground, blood spurting from his neck, and in this light it looks a grimy shade of black.

Logan’s bleeding, too, and so is Kurt. Despite the weather and despite his wounds, the blue man is faintly glowing when Logan turns back to him. When they meet, their blood mixing with each other’s, Kurt’s glow only brightens, and for a second they’re allowed to hold each other like that — with infinite tenderness.

All three men bleed, but only one blends in with the darkness.

Before Logan can check Kurt over for his bullet wound, he  _ smells _ , rather than hears, someone else coming.

Cars — three of them. One is a white van.

“Shit!” Raven shouts, and grips Logan’s arm. Her own wound has already healed, but the look on her face suggests she’s still in pain. “That’s Max Eisenhardt — from Magneto Enterprises. He wants to capture Kurt.”

She starts running towards the man, and when Logan sees who she’s talking about, he feels like killing again.

That’s  _ Erik _ , in all his old, Jewish glory.

And if he weren’t sure, one look at Charles just confirms it: the poor old man looks like he’s just been betrayed for the  _ n _ th time, because that’s exactly what’s happening. Max Eisenhardt, the CEO of M.E., is Erik  _ whatever-the-fuck _ , who is also the guy Charles was dating.

Logan wants to stay there and show Erik — Max, whatever — just who the real coward here is, but Kurt is next to him and he needs to  _ go _ .

So he leaves Raven and Charles there, arguing with Erik. He’s both surprised and proud that Charles was quick to snap out of it, and he’s confident that, when all this is over, the old man will be better —  _ stronger _ .

Logan nods at Ororo, who’s just finished throwing Trask’s body onto the canal, silently thanking her. 

And then he takes Kurt’s hand for the last time, and pushes him, forcefully yet gently, onto the water.

A thought then crosses his mind: if not now, then Kurt will never know.

This is his last chance, so Logan signs,  _ I love you _ , and makes sure Kurt sees it.

When Erik and his men finally arrive and take Logan in, he doesn’t even struggle against their hold.

He only watches, a bittersweet feeling inside him, as Kurt lets the current take him, finally going home. He tells himself this is what Kurt wanted, that he didn’t just force a fate onto the other that he never wished for — that he’s better than that. 

In the end, however, he’ll never know.

He can only pray Kurt knows, at this very moment, just how much Logan  _ is _ , because of him. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> trask: i'll die if you leave me here  
> raven: *then perish*
> 
> THIS IS NOT THE END I promise there will be a happy ending! I wanted to diverge a bit from the ending of The Shape of Water because I wanted Logan to have time to find out who he is, find out about Weapon X, etc etc... especially because his CLAWS finally made their appearance!


	9. For You are everywhere

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hate cliffhangers so HERE! The last chapter!!

The calendar in his apartment marks the day: February 3rd.

‘Anyone who holds on to the ability to see beauty never grows old,’ it says, in big white letters that contrast the darker picture in the background. Kafka.

Today’s the day.

Logan takes one last calming bath in his shitty bathroom. The water’s a bit too cold for his taste — he’d gotten into that habit, after Kurt —, but the initial chill after the first step inside the water brings him some comfort. 

For a while there, once he got back to himself, there were days when he’d spend hours just sitting on the floor, leaning onto his bathtub and watching the still water. He never once flooded the apartment again — not after his landlord gave him shit for it and made him pay for the damages —, but there were some days where he’d been _really_ tempted.

To this day, he isn’t sure how long he spent under Magneto’s control — and the only reason for that is because he doesn’t _want_ to know. It feels like only a few months have passed, but he knows that it’s actually been years — maybe even decades. Nothing can describe the surprise he felt after he finally got the hell outta there and discovered that ‘flip phones’ were no longer a thing. Nothing can describe the pure satisfaction he got when he found out Trask’s body was never found, and that Senator Kelly was found guilty for the murder not long after.

And then he found out that Charles, though not dead, wasn’t doing very well for himself, health-wise. The man had fallen ill while on a trip to England, and he was now spending his days in an asylum there. And then Logan also found out that Ororo had moved back to Kenya, to pursue her career, and, while he’d been happy for her, he’d never felt so _alone_.

It only got _slightly_ better after Raven started keeping him company, every so often.

She still works for Magneto, unfortunately, but despite that, she’s a _good_ woman. She’s a scientist, which he’s surprised to find is actually _true_ and not just a fake identity she’d adopted, but given his history with scientists he can safely say she’s one of the good ones.

She’s the one who told him about the W+ company and about their Weapon X project. She, the genius spy, infiltrated W+, got him all the info he needs, and now all he has to do is head over there and wreak havoc on the whole place. After T.I. was shut down, W+ apparently only got more and more powerful, and there’s no way in hell he’s letting them off, not after what they did to him.

His claws? A result of Weapon X, a project that those sick fucks at W+ implemented in order to create ‘the perfect human’ — _whatever_ that means. If they’re perfect, they ain’t human, and vice-versa.

All first 35 years of his life, back when he lived as James Howlett and not as Logan? Gone, thanks to W+ erasing all his memories.

So today’s the day, then.

When he leaves his apartment, he’s ready for it to be the last time he ever steps foot in the place — or, if he fails, the last time he ever steps foot anywhere outside of W+.

“They’ll try to take you in,” Raven’s told him. “From what I could gather, you were a ‘significant investment’ they lost sometime during the war, and they want you back.”

He doesn’t ask which war — he doesn’t want to know.

If W+ does end up taking him in, he’s made her promise to kill him. Whatever they want to do to him, he’s not gonna wait around to find out, and he considers it compensation from Raven: she couldn’t help him escape M.E. because Max Eisenhardt is her boss, but if it’s W+ then she’ll be glad to end it all, once and for all.

W+ has done too much damage to the both of them — and to others, no doubt — for them to go another day unpunished.

The minute he steps into the facility, he’s attacked.

It’s nothing he can’t handle, just three armed men, so he lets them waste all the bullets they have. If anything, it’s their own fault — don’t they know who he is? They should know better than to think a gun would harm him. Even if his healing isn’t what it used to be, after all of Magneto’s efforts, and even if it’ll take him a while to heal from those bullet holes, he still _can’t_ die. He’s only tested this theory out once, but afterwards he felt so guilty, thinking about Ororo and Charles and _Kurt_ , that he never once considered the thought.

The facility is very different from the one he worked at previously, and it’s very _very_ different from Magneto Enterprises. This one is dark and cold and unhygienic and it looks like a lawsuit waiting to happen, while Magneto was all about cleanliness and everything _metal_.

Raven, for all her help, was stationed at another W+ branch, so although she’s given him everything he needs to know about the place, she hasn’t given him _everything_. It’s a shame, because from the second he opens the door to one of the laboratories, he smells… people.

People — not freaky scientists, not wealthy businessmen, and definitely not sadistic military men —, but _real_ people, _alive._

They’re all unconscious, each one in a different water-filled tank, and it reminds Logan all too well of the tanks they used to keep in Room 616. The people all have various IV tubes connecting their bodies to something at the top of the tanks, and he finds no pattern in them: the victims range from a young Latino girl to a big, burly, older white man with long blonde hair.

He uses his claws to break through the glass of the girl’s tank, figuring she’ll be easier to take down if she decides to go apeshit on him. The water inside the tank spills everywhere, but the few drops that land on him refresh him, and he’s careful to catch the girl’s falling body.

She doesn’t wake up, so he lays her down carefully, outside the damn lab, and then returns to get the others.

It takes him a while to break all four tanks open, and he’s almost surprised that no one catches him doing it — until he considers that this might all be a trap. These people were smart enough to take him in and erase all his memories, and, judging by the number of guards stationed in the main entrance, this place is supposed to be heavily guarded. More guards should have found him by now.

Once he’s gotten all four of the people away from the room, he heads over to where he left his bag, on the floor, and makes sure they’re all safely away from the lab — and he throws in a grenade. If nothing else could get their attention, hopefully _this_ will.

He leaves the people there in the hallway but takes his bag and continues his journey deeper into the facility. If they want _him_ to come to _them_ , then so be it.

None of the other labs in that wing of the facility have people in them, so he blows them all up and continues on to his _real_ goal: the West Wing. According to the map Raven gave him, that’s where they kept him when they were experimenting on him; the North Wing is apparently off-limits except for very select few; and the South Wing is where all the ‘normal shit’ goes on.

The cops will probably be there soon, though, thanks to all the explosions, so he decides to leave the South Wing for another date and focuses on the West and North.

The North is the closest one to his current location, so he busts in there ready to take on whatever they throw at him…

… And he finds himself facing about a dozen shocked scientists, all holding some form of notebook or clipboard. By the look on their faces, he knows that they weren’t expecting him, which is stupid because how did they not _hear—_

And then he notices the large tank in the middle of the room they all seem to be studying, and his heart sinks and stops and bursts out of his chest.

The tank is _significantly_ larger than the previous ones that held all those people, but this one is also filled with water. There are no tubes anywhere, but there _is_ someone inside the tank — and that _someone_ is someone Logan never thought he’d ever see, ever again.

Kurt looks like he hasn’t aged a day, which is a damn embarrassment because Logan knows he himself looks like shit. While Logan has been busy growing out both his grey hair and depression beard, Kurt still has the same short hair and fur, the same ethereal glow to him that once enchanted him and Ororo and Charles and Raven.

The scientists start shouting at him, but he doesn’t hear them. They push him away from the lab and he pushes back at them, not caring that he’s probably pushing them too hard and that several of them are bleeding—

Kurt hasn’t stopped staring at him, either, and Logan hates himself for wondering if the other even remembers him.

 _Logan_ , Kurt signs, and Logan could cry right now and never stop. His old age has affected him like that.

The man tries to claw through the glass, but this tank is much thicker than the previous ones, so he decides to just fuck it. He rips out one of the monitors that are attached to the floor and throws it at the glass with all his might — he’ll be damned if he’s gonna let some piece of shit _glass_ keep him apart from seeing, touching, _feeling_ Kurt again.

True enough, the monitor is enough to break the tank, and an ocean of water comes flowing out in all directions. Logan basks it all in, and catches Kurt in his arms when the other starts to flow out, too.

The water is still coming out when the two of them kiss — _finally_ , oh Lord —, and Logan is still holding Kurt in his arms when he starts moving away from the lab, all of his worries wiped away by the feel of finally, _somehow_ , having Kurt again.

“Jesus Christ,” a voice says, surprisingly close to them. Both men startle away from each other, but Logan keeps his hold on Kurt. “I mean, I didn’t expect anything less from the two of you, but did you really have to flood the entire place?”

Raven crosses her arms, one eyebrow raised. She’s leaning on the doorframe like she’d been standing there for a long time, and all the scientists are on the floor behind her, either unconscious or struggling against their gags and binds.

Logan frowns — but he shouldn’t be surprised to see her here. _Of course_ she’d want in on the fun, too.

Carefully, he brings Kurt back down to the ground and scowls at her.

 _You knew about this?_ , he signs. _Why didn’t you tell me?_

“Of course I knew, baby. Who do you think I am?” She smiles sharply. “And to answer your second question: you’re _unpredictable_ , Logan. I didn’t know _what_ you’d do if you found out.” She shrugs. “And I needed the East Wing taken care of — oh and, just FYI, I wouldn’t count on driving your _car_ back to your apartment.”

He deepens his scowl. _Those ungrateful bastards took my car?_

She shrugs again, smiling. “Tough luck, _bub_.”

He growls at her — that’s _his_ thing, not hers.

Raven takes a look around the room, and her smile fades. “I guess this is it for the North Wing…” She gives him a meaningful look. “But Weapon X, in the West, is still there, standing. If you wanna join me.”

For a moment, his heart is conflicted again. He wants nothing more than to make those bastards pay for what they did to him and countless others… but he has a feeling that, if he does, he won’t have Kurt anymore. It’s a trade-off that the universe is giving him: revenge or freedom, but not both. Never both.

Besides, with the police coming and with both Kurt and Logan in bad shape, he’ll risk dooming them both if he stays with Raven. She’ll help the two of them as best she can, but in the end she’s already risked herself one too many times for them, and he doesn’t want to owe her any more favors.

Kurt takes Logan’s hand in his own.

When the older looks at him, he sees the hope and the love inside this beautiful man, and he lets go of everything. 

He knows exactly who he is, and he doesn’t need anyone telling him who he used to be.

He knows who he is, and he knows that’s all there is.

Kurt runs his hand through the bleeding bullet hole on Logan’s neck and frowns. He wants to know why it isn’t healing, like before, but Logan can’t answer him — not when he himself doesn’t know the answer to that question. He has his guesses, sure, but… nothing _certain_. He doesn’t wanna tell Kurt it’s only his old age and then find out it’s because he has cancer or something awful like that.

Logan turns to Raven. _Go_.

She nods, takes his bag — the one with the explosives —, and disappears.

He has a feeling that’s the last time he’ll ever see her, but he’s never been one for goodbyes. 

He and Kurt watch her go for a moment, and then escape through the North Wing entrance. There’s no point in going back to the East when his car has apparently been stolen by the four people he’d rescued — and besides, the North entrance is closer to the ocean.

It only takes the two of them twenty minutes walking to reach the sea, and that’s only because Logan has to stop every few minutes to take care of one of his wounds. People on the street stare at them, but what are they gonna do? _Approach_ the blue man with gills for ears, a tail, and only three fingers? Or _worse_ — approach the guy who’s forcing bullets out of his body with nothing but the power of his skin?

The water, once they enter it, calms both Kurt and Logan down.

It doesn’t heal his wounds, but it calms his heart, and that’s _enough_.

The last thing they see before going completely down under is the smoke coming from the W+ complex signalling that Raven’s finished the job.

Logan isn’t sure he even takes a breath before letting Kurt drag him down, but his lungs aren’t burning — in fact, now that they’re _completely_ underwater, Logan can feel his wounds start to heal themselves the further down they go.

Somehow, he knows that it’s because of Kurt.

The two share a long, gentle kiss. 

Before too long, all the scars on Logan’s body are gone — all, that is, but _one_.

Kurt reaches out a hand in a familiar gesture, and Logan bares his throat up to the other.

He sees objects pass by them in the water, and realizes they must be further down than he’d thought: empty cans of beer, a singular red heel, an alarm clock… and then he sees fish, dolphins, _animals_ , alive and just as in love as they are. 

Those blue hands gently touch the side of his neck, right where those three claw marks first appeared on his skin, all those years ago. They’re there again, he knows, because they showed up soon after he escaped Magneto’s lab and ever since then, they hadn’t healed.

Very suddenly, Logan realizes he can’t breathe.

 _Of course_ he can’t breathe — no matter what bullshit healing abilities he may have, nothing in his life has ever indicated he’d be able to breathe underwater, and he’s been holding his breath for more than ten minutes now.

He despairs, but has no strength to try to swim back up to the surface — not with how deep they are, and _definitely_ not with Kurt’s hands still holding his.

Those yellow eyes tell him to relax, so Logan does. He knows the other would never let anything bad happen to him, so he holds on as much as he can.

When he finally reaches the point where he can no longer hold his breath, he gives up, thinking that at least he’ll die having achieved everything he possibly could. 

He opens his mouth and lets the water enter his body and fill his lungs…

… Except they don’t.

The scars on Logan’s neck, where Kurt is touching them, are opening themselves, revealing themselves.

 _Gills_.

Logan is alive.

The two men embrace.


End file.
